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Mother’s Day At Chili’s: A Play By Carles
May 9, 2010, 4:40 pm
≪ Previous: Happy Mother's Day -- Is Ur Mom THE ULTIMATE BRO?
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Characters:
Mom: Mother of the family
Son: A relatively alt son, back from design school for the summer, pissed to be back in suburbia named Chaz
Daughter: Entry level alt tween named Jessica
Mike: A Chili's Waiter
Father: Abandoned his family, not included in play

[Setting: Chili's in a suburban area of America]
Son: It's really great to be back home, celebrating Mother's Day with our family. I know we've been through a lot together, but we love you mom. You've really been there for us, you've sacrificed, and simply put, we couldn't do it without you.
Daughter: Love ya Mom!
Mom: It would be nice if you stopped texting for a little bit, Jessica.
Daughter: What are we doing after dinner? Stephanie wants me to come over for the '16 and Pregnant Finale'
Son: Jess, please put the phone down and just enjoy our appetizer together.
Daughter: I don't even have a data plan, so it's not like I get what I want. I'm not spoiled.
Mom: Jessica, I told you I'd buy you data for your Droid if you got all A's, and you didn't.
Daughter: I never get what I want. I didn't even get to choose the appetizer
Son: It's Mother's Day, and mom wanted bottomless chips and salsa. We'll get South By Southwestern Eggrolls next time. Now can you just stop being a little c**t?
Daughter: I'm not a c**t. You think you're all cool because you go to art school in New York, now you're above this place.
Son: It's not art school, it is design school with a concentration in media studies and technology.
Daughter: I've seen your facebook photos, it's not like you even spend any time doing work. You just smoke and drink with your friends.
Mom: I've been paying for your college for you to be smoking and drinking, and then you post pictures of yourself doing that on the internet? I've read employers check facebook and some people don't get hired because of that website.
Son: So what? I like to have a cold brewski and unwind with my friends. What's wrong with that?
Mom: My grandfather was an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic. Your father was an alcoholic. I don't want you going down the same road they did. Your father left our family because he chose alcohol.
Daughter: Is alcoholism genetic? I thought it was just people who liked the taste of beer.
Son: I know what I'm doing. I'm not an alcoholic. I am just a social drinker.
Mom: Well what kind of grades did you get last semester?
Son: Well, I picked up 6 hours.
Mom: How many did you take?
Son: I started with 15 hours, but had to drop 3 courses
Mom: Why did you drop three courses?
Son: I changed my major and realized that wasn't what I wanted to do, so now I'm going to need another year of college.
Mom: Oh no.
Son: What?
Mom: I'm just not sure our family has that kind of money. Jessica has her guitar lessons and is going to make varsity soccer. I just don't know any more. I just want to go home.
Daughter: Mom. It's okay. I don't want to play soccer. I want to focus on music.
Mom: Let's just go home.
Son: Why don't you want me to follow my dreams?
Mom: I feel sick. Let's just go home.
Son: You shoulda just stopped texting.

ENTER MIKE, a twenty-something Chili's Waiter
Mike: Whaddup yall. Who had the cheeseburger.
Son: That was me!
Mike: Alright. And the babyback ribs?
Mom: That's me.
Mike: Oh yeah! Babyback ribs for mom on the big day. Alright, and who had the triple dipper with SXSWestern Eggrolls, Chicken Crispers, and boneless buffalo wings?
Jessica: Yummy in my tummy wummy! That's me!
Mom: Thanks again.
Mike: No problem! That's the Chili's way.

MIKE EXITS INTO CHILI'S KITCHEN STAGE LEFT
Mom: Well. This has to be the worst mother's day ever.
Jessica: Mom. I'm sorry.
Son: I promise I won't let you down. I know we are a lower middle class family, searching for our place in America, but one day you'll see that it was all worth it. I promise I am doing something special with my life that will lead to a unique, high-paying job.
Mom: Don't you realize that I've lived my entire life for you. I'd do anything for you. I just want this family to feel close to one another again. It's so hard with you being gone, Chaz.
Son: I miss being young, sitting around with you and Jessica, watching cartoons, listening to pop music from the 80s and 90s.
Jessica: I barely remember those days. I don't remember anything about dad.
Mom: I remember sitting out back on the porch, eating popsicles, listening to pop music on the radio.
Son: I actually started listening to a new genre of music called chillwave. It is supposed to inspire nostalgic images from youth, with many similarities to 80s and 90s music.
Mom: chill what?
Son: chill wave.
Mom: Like the ocean? Waves?
Son: Yes, exactly.
Jessica: Can you put some of those songs on my iPod touch? You really have great taste in music. How do you find music?
Son: I just read a lot of blogs and use this cool tool called the Hype Machine.
Mom: Maybe one day you will be in a band. Remember when I got you piano lessons?

ENTER MIKE CARRYING A PITCHER OF TEA, HEADED TOWARDS ANOTHER TABLE
Mike: What's up guys? You need a refill on that Mountain Dew? You need another Mother's Day Mexican Martini?
Mom: Yes please. This Mexican Martini perfectly compliments my Babyback ribs.
Son: Hells yes. Gotta get some more Mountain Dew.
Daughter: Can I also get another Diet Sierra Mist?
Mike: No problem. Need a little bit more ranch for those boneless buff wings?
Jessica: Yes please!
Son: I also have another favor to ask of you, Mike.
Mike: Whatever you guys need!
Son: Do you know how to control the audio system in this place? I was wondering if you could plugin my iPhone to the speakers and play a song for our family.
Mike: Yeah bro. We've got an iPod dock, and that would be no problem. Which song?
Son: It's by Washed Out it's called "Feel it All Around"
Mike: Yeah no problem. Brb.

EXIT MIKE TO CHILI'S BAR AREA STAGE RIGHT
Son: Happy Mother's Day Mom. This song is for our family. Even though it is just us three, we can make it through anything, as long as we chill.

WASHED OUT'S "FEEL IT ALL AROUND" BEGINS PLAYING IN CHILI'S

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MANY CHILI'S PATRONS BEING TO CHATTER, ASKING ONE ANOTHER WHO THIS SONG IS, CLAIMING THAT IT IS CONJURING UP NOSTALGIC IMAGES OF YOUTH.

Mom: This is the best mother's day ever.
Jessica: This song is really good. I am going to add it to my facebook profile for sure.
Son: It seems like every one in this Chili's is Feeling It All Around.

ENTER MIKE. MIKE HANDS CHAZ A STACK OF PAPERS THAT LOOKS LIKE A CONTRACT
Mike: Hey Mike. We just got off the phone with the CEO of Chili's. He said that he is starting an indie record label, and would like to hire a new A & R representative to scout new talent. You clearly have impeccable, relevant taste, and we would love to have you be the top dog at Chili's Records.
Son: This is the job I have always wanted. I have always wanted to work for a mainstream company, doing my best to help alternative artists and musicians bring their product to mass markets. Doing my best to help the best art reach the masses, and artists getting paid for their efforts. In fact, the person who put Feist in the iPod nano commercial recently spoke at my university. I want to be a part of pop art.
Mike: Here at Chili's, we don't sign contracts with pens. We actually have you fingerprint the contract with ranch dipping sauce.

CHAZ DIPS FINGERS INTO RANCH AND LOOKS TO HIS MOM
Son: Mom, this is for you. Happy Mother's Day.
Mom: You kids are sometimes a handful, but know that I love you. Know that I believe
Mike: Who wants dessert?
Every1 at Chili's: Me!


SON STEPS CENTER STAGE, DELIVERS AN ASIDE/MONOLOGUE
Son: So that's my family. No, we're not perfect, but what family is? I certainly don't want to be a part of that family. A lot of people thought I was wasting tons of money on my education, but they didn't realize that it would all pay off. Who woulda thought, I owed it all to my dedication to the mp3 blogosphere. Sure you can call me

But today's about my mom. A beautiful woman, better than any female I could ever date, or marry. Maybe I'm a bit spoiled, maybe I'm self-centered and out of touch with the real world, but that's because my mom thought I deserved to exist in a world where I could do anything I put my mind to.

Thanks Mom. This one's for you. The truth is, I've felt your love all around my entire life, and I could never buy enough platters of babyback ribs to tell you how much you mean to me. Every time I hear a buzzband, I think of you, because ever since the day I was born, you treated me like a buzzband that you believed in, and never gave up on, even when I went mainstream, even when I metaphorically released aimless, subpar albums. You never gave up on me, and because of that, I will always love you.

END

Where did U + ur Family go for Mother's Day?
Do you <3 ur mom?
Is ur family kinda messed up, but do yall still love eachother?
Is Mother's Day a better holiday than Father's Day?

Have you ever been in a place where every1 was feeling it all around?

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