First Version, lost and damaged
I am mad, insane, and a fool.
I am an Iga Warrior; I seek enlightenment, both physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am but a novice in all three disciplines, I do not know myself but have chosen my faith and walk the path of madness. I know and understand little and few things and my knowledge of this world isn't much, but I try to understand, I try to learn. All that I can do for now is walk my chosen path, learn, and keep my faith.
The Weapon
In my search for enlightenment I found madness.
I embraced it only to accept eternal suffering.
Death is the only salvation I have left and jet I choose life.
I embraced it only to accept eternal suffering.
Death is the only salvation I have left and jet I choose life.
These are my words, this is my curse upon myself, know that am a madman only because I choose to be, I am a fool only because I choose to be. Why am I writing these things down? An attempt to be understood? To be know? To prove my existence to myself? It's likely that you will never know, that is because you are not meant to know, it is my secret, my time and work here on Gaia are my experiments to know, and perhaps one day you too will find your own enlightenment and with it your own eternal suffering of your own thankfully mortal life. When you do, my fellow shattered, seek me out on Gaia and let us make a good conversation together, perhaps then you can join my experiments.
Version 2, 07-05-2005
Let's get right to it, I'm a madman. I've known it for some time now, years actually, and I still don't really know what I shut do with myself nor what me destiny is even though I have seen glimpses of it. I see them when I become lost in my thoughts or during my dreams, at first they where strange, later once I came to understand them they became frightening, but now that know that I can change them they have become beautiful. Now I can be glad for them, and I can be relieved that I now have a small lantern to light my path.
Still by all means I'm mentally insane but thank god no longer unstable, I have zero attempts at suicide on my name and the thought of it no longer plagues my mind, it is only an occasional whisper these days. So I live... and this time I have made my own goals, I gave a purpose for my life and that has made me glad. I now set my own meaning and value for living it, slowly building my own faith.
I am still an Iga Warrior, and I think that I've grown a bit sins my last writing in here. I have gained a new colour of belt so that shut mean something even though it feels as if I'm only getting worse at it. I do believe that I have grown both mentally and spiritually, however, I still say that I am mad and insane. So my curse still stands for myself and it surely will for the rest of my life, I have no doubts about that, no doubts, nor any regrets.
Alexander Vandala
I have learned to open my eyes and must now witness the mists of my soul with nothing more then a tiny firefly that lights my path.
I can see only vague shapes of what lies ahead in the far distance of an unknown age.
I have to go on, I must keep walking, and I must tread carefully now.
I can see only vague shapes of what lies ahead in the far distance of an unknown age.
I have to go on, I must keep walking, and I must tread carefully now.
May it still be my curse, may I keep searching for wisdom and enlightenment and may they plunge me deeper into my madness, and may that what fuels my ambition burn fiercer then ever before!
