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Reasons, everyone always wants reasons why I am the way I am. Honestly,

I would like to know myself. So I write about what hurts. what feels good.

What makes me cry andw aht makes me feel i want to know why:

I cryI'm screaming silently insideI'm happy for a moment and then lose it.,I'm free but I hold backI hate myself everytime I look in the mirror.I drown in my own self-pityI eat a tub of ice cream, then feel so much guilt I can't moveI am ashamedI hide from everything I feel more then I can take
And I just relaly want to know why I am unable to be whole

Was I born with a failure unside of me that doesn't allow me to change?

I spend my days scared.

What if I never change?

What if there are no reasons at all?

What if I am the way I am forever and there is nothing I can do about it.

So I look for an answer to make the confusion go away.

Everyday I wake up searching only the hope that someday something will be found that will make the endless longing go away.

Have you ever wanted something so bad you can't breahte?

I can't breathe