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Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
Lone Starr: So, Lord Helmet, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time.
Lone Starr: What the hell was that noise?
Dot Matrix: That was my virgin-alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do!
Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
Colonel Sandurz: Oh, my God. It's Mega Maid. She's gone from suck to blow.
Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then!
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: I can't.
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.
Dark Helmet: How soon?
Video Operator: Sir!
[Dark Helmet has becomed far too confused and everyone now ignores him even though he's center screen]
Dark Helmet: What?
Video Operator: We've identified their location.
Dark Helmet: Where?
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Video Operator: It's the moon of Vega.
Colonel Sandurz: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival.
Dark Helmet: When?
Video Operator: At 1900 hours, sir.
Colonel Sandurz: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners.
Dark Helmet: Who?
Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
Colonel Sandurz: Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!
Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let's see how well you handle it.
Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: Sorry sir! I'm doing my best!
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major a*****e: I did sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an a*****e sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir. a*****e, Major a*****e!
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an a*****e too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip a*****e!
Dark Helmet: How many asholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
[Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand]
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes!
[Dark Helmet pulls his face shield down]
Dark Helmet: Keep firing, assholes!
 Kadance · Wed Jun 21, 2006 @ 03:30am · 0 Comments |
