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i can't decide if im depressed or really really hyper. its kinda a mix of both...like when im in a situation where i should be happy, but i get depressed, and visa versa. im just getting too stressed out. (if u don't like to hear people vent then pls. skp this next section)
I have my music, like clarinet (which i don't even like!) 2 play in 2 concerts and a competition w/ my control-freak mom. pluss jazz band (which i play bass in )has practice 2 times a week with 4 gigs comming up. oh, not to mention that the practices conflict with lax practice which is every day + saterdays and games! i can't talk to any of my friends cuz their all in poolesville and i live 30 min away in COMUS WHERE NOBODY EVEN KNOWS WHERE THE HELL THAT IS CUZ ITS SO STUPID THAT I LIVE SO ******** FAR AWAY FROM EVERYTHING!!! i have NO freedom at home my parents have officialy deprived me, they dont believe in video gaming, i cant stay up past 9, at moment im not allowed on the internet (haha that that b***h!) and my brother is a stupid a**. On top of all this my best friend wants me to help her start a band, but doesn't come to my lax games...oh, but goes to the guy's game...and she doesn't even KNOW any of the guys on IT! WTF!?!?! i have orders for pics to draw (which i ENJOY doing) but my grades are failing and i din't have time anymore for ANYTHING let alone drawing...and this guy who likes me but i don't care for keeps stalking me and i have to avoid him b/c im 2 freaking pissed off everyday 2 tell him to GET OFF MY BACK, plus theres other guys that i like and try 2 hang out w/ but then i have other people who want 2 hang out w/ me 2...and SOME people call me at 11:00 at night and talk about the time we did...stuff and how he wants to do it again, and then i feel like a whore and just want to die and i hate my life it sucks major a**, there i said it it def. sucks major monkey a** and i want 2 cry now and just bleed, yes im emo right now, actualy im not emo...thats an insult to emo's...i dont know what the ******** i am i need help i need to die, or get away...someone needs to put me in a cage or something so the man witha dagger behind me doesn't get me...in the dark.im alone all alone and hurting.


and THATS why i look so depressed at school sometimes. but ill be ok. i always somehow pull through ok...sometimes worse than how i started...but its ok im tough like that and at least i have all of u who i love very much. yea! go friends u rock. heart
my music is soooo awsome it makes me happy, and so does my bf...if i had 1, but i don't so nevermind. WOW that felt good 2 vent i should do it more often. k then byes.