I didn't care too much before, and I practically planned on friggin' failing before, but the stakes just became ever so much higher. More is riding on this than before, and I've been given a fair bit of incentive to work for it even though I still believe that there'll be no chance whatsoever that they'll let me walk across that stage.
Even so, I have got to find more ways to make this possible-get all my credits, AND pass all my classes!
I have to walk, no matter what!!
I mean, I was promised I would be able to go on this 'family' camping trip that supposedly will include the vast majority of my family down in Los Angeles. THAT is awesome! I want to go on this trip! Plus, it's camping: I haven't gone camping since elementary school!
crying PLUS I'll be camping with a whole bunch of family!! How awesome is that!? MEGA AWESOME!!!
Plus tonight, while I was speaking with my mother, she lamented to me about other factors that I had not even thought about: My nina wanted to go to my graduation ceremony to see me walk. *tears up* *single tear falls*
Nina wanted to see me walk... *full on crying*
My nina wanted to come to see me walk!!
Oh, how can I do this to them!? I need to find a way to graduate!! I haven't gotten to really see my nina since I was in elementary school!!
gonk I mean, I think I last saw her on my mom's birthday this year, but it was seriously out of the blue. It was the first time I'd seen her in years, and I only really got to see her for a few minutes. Plus, mom's birthday was in February. >_<
I miss my nina, damnitall!!
gonk heart crying cry I want to see her... and she wants to see me succeed! I don't want to let her down! I didn't even want to let my mom down! This is breaking my heart, and I don't want to break theirs with this flippant decision of mine!
That's it! Court adjourned! I've got to really try, and find ways to do the impossible and pass Government! I have a freaking F MINUS in that class! If I could get that up to even a D minus, I will be able to walk!
gonk But how the hell do I do that in just five or four more weeks?!
Gods, is there a way!? Show me the way! How the hell do I get there!? Tell me how to pass Gov: That's my biggest concern right now! Even if I get all of my bad grades up to C's, if I fail just one class, they're not letting me walk, are they!?
THIS SUUUUCKS!!! This blows, this is bad, it's anti-awesome, it's WRONG on SO many levels, though still technically fair to other students, somehow... Really, though, I don't know that many ways to say "This can't be happening!"...
I've been in the fecking system for fourteen years (this is including Kindergarten and Preschool), I WANT OUT NOW, DAMN YOUR EYES!! I need to graduate, so my nina and mom will both go to the ceremony and so I can cry onstage. XD
I'm really going to miss everyone, though... their jokes, some of their behaviors, their familiar faces, the awesome teachers, my friends....
*le sigh* If Passion doesn't explain the way I feel, I know this one definitely does:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMaAkwvbvZwOr...
http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=nMaAkwvbvZwOR!!!
http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=nMaAkwvbvZw&autoplay=1
