I'm at school, really, when I shouldn't be. Feeling extremely sick and what not. I still have Bronchitis. Hopefully not cronic bronchitis. Thats bad. And this is a sure fire sign to stop smoking. So that is why I've cut down to 3 cigs a day! *party for Dani being good with cutting down!!* Yeah, I think I'm going to have a party when I actually quit.
Anyway, I'm a tad bit upset, I've been since lunch, which was not too long ago. An old friend, who isn't quite my firend any longer for about 3 years now has been passing thru my head for the last week or so. I find it hard to beleive in myself that I did what I did and now I'm burdened with the thoughts of what we used to have...and the thought of that we were best friends for life for nine years...that I made a promise to her in 2nd grade I'd always be there for her...and now look what happened. I saw her at lunch and I just wanted to give her a hug, but instead I cried without anyone seeing, except for her. She just looked at me for a moment, noticed my tears, and I put my head down...I wonder how thats effecting her...I wonder if she even cares how much I'm willing to get that old friendship back, even if we've both changed so much. Maybe, if I hadn't of given up the fight between me and her mom, things would have been better off. I wouldn't have caused her to forget about me, to bring hatred upon me. I feel so stupid. I feel like running to her house like I used to when she needed to be saved, when she needed someone to lean on and cry to. I miss those days, I miss it so much. I feel foolish. I wish so much, and its never going to come true. She had to have been the truest best friend I had once had...and I failed to see that thru, and gave everything up. Tell me what I'm sapose to do? Should I ignore this feeling, tell her all of this, hug her, or tell myself to shut up? Help me...
-Dani
Lady Phi Community Member 
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