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Tonight j ournal entry is entirly sober, and thoughtful. So, if your looking for a drunken ramble, this isnt that kind of night

So today, I had a reflection of my past, walk infront of me, shortly followed by bumping into my into my future self. All the while journeying to my hopefull future career, while remaniscing about, guess what, the past.

I saw a child, 8 or 9, i swear it was a picture of my life back then, made living.
Same bleachblonde hair.. goofy shirts... scrawny, short.. depressed, angry at the way life had continuously let me down, again and again.


Shocked at this, i retreated to the bathroom, crammed on my headphones, and stared blankly at the mirror... what the hell. i remembered everything one more time, and just had some very, very dark thoughts. the usual type for me
Whats going to happen next? Should i be here? Would anyone miss me

I already know these answers, and ill be staying on earth for a long time to come, so dont take that the wrong way.

Leaving the bathroom, I bumped into a gentleman.. and i knew it was who id become in 20 years.

Intrigued, i followed him for a little bit. Kids, family, life. all there..
He was happy.. content, didnt seem attached to a job in the way that i fear most. Didnt seem like he wanted to break free from what he had. He had it all.

Mostly.. what intrigued me is the book that he bought (yes, i was a creepy stalker today
)


I cant remember the title, or the author now, i dont have the money to buy it.
But, it was the description that made me think about things the most today.

When you die, instead of the fictional heaven and hell you read about, talk about.
You go to a place you are familar with. Doesnt have to be your favourite, but, yeah

You meet 5 people. Strangers, loved ones, friends, anyone. Only, they have had to change your life, forever.

I stopped reading the descrition there, because it stopped making sense, and became fictional.


Who the ******** would i meet? Do i know them already? Will i meet them? Who will it be? Will it be from my nighmareish future? or the one i bumped into earlier?
Will they come from the past i cant ever escape, wide awake an dreaming, or with my eyes shut and screaming at every wrong thing thats scared me forever, no matter what future comes for me

What would have happened if i had died that day.. who would i meet?,, Do they have to be dead already. or do i meet a representation of them till they join them

Is there multiple planes of this, one for ever person, and their five people.


5 people.. out of the thousand your bound to meet. Only five.

What five.

I couldnt even imagine who it would be

im so glad im buddhist... but this really opened my eyes.

is there a religion that acutually believes in this

if there isnt. i shotty being incharge.

Just so i can yell. "yarrr, im the ******** pope now" and grab my crotch, just like the King of England when he made a new religion out side of the church, way back when


anyways. those are my thoughts. probablly wont help that im reading Kurt Cobains biography, again.
Dont know how much ill be on this week. Work experience and all.

Cheers to all.


Think about who would be your five so far.. its intresting.