So it's a few minutes past three in the morning. I'm staring at my buddy list, hoping my friend will come back from away and talk to me. SmarterChild just can't meet my needs that you fulfill, buddy!
At ten o'clock on Fridays is when I get online, only for an hour. I accidentally slept through that time and nobody cared to wake me up nor turn off my computer. My dreams were weird-- the song "Gold Digger" and some weird, sickly kid's drawing of a pug he gave to me. Yeah. Weird. So weird it stirred me awake, and here I am, noobing around on gaia and posting on llamas-retreat.com, whilst also surfing the web for random things that pop in my head to ease my boredness.
School was terrible. I honestly hate that place; not because of the work or anything, but because of the people there. I can't stand them, yet I smile and have a short, friendly conversation with them almost every day. Amazing.
Something embarrassing happened. I turned deep red in class, ears and all. The band teacher was ripping everybody about what they were doing wrong, and then she turns to me and says, "[My name here]'s solo-- okay, she started out on alto saxophone last year, then she found out she had TMJ. Still wanting to be in band, she moved to percussion. Then during the summer she said, 'Hey, I want to play flute.' and here she is! An amazing flutist!" Everybody was boring their eyes into me, I could feel it, and some of them had hatred for me. I was sliding further in my chair, dying of embarrassment. Complimenting me in front of a group of people is just slightly embarrassing for me, but when you yell at people and then brag about me, that's something deeper than embarrassment. I hate it.
Lately I've been irritable. Extremely irritable. And I'm not talking about that once-a-month thing, I'm saying it's worse than that. For the past couple/few weeks, I've been twitching and having muscle spasms. My heart beat increases sometimes, once I actually felt it through my shirt without having to put my hand on my heart. Dizziness gets me sometimes, as well as depression. I'm depressed. But I'm lucky to have a friend that can make me smile almost every time. This friend cheers me up a lot-- too bad we have a three-day weekend, and that friend can't come and make me feel better. But I have the next best thing: my friend on AIM who is still away, and it's now 3:15. (You don't need sleep, silly. biggrin )
Things at home are getting worse. I've been trying making nice with my mom, but it's just not working at all. Now I know that when she blames me for our bad relationship, it's my mom being immature again, having to blame someone for everything... It's not me. It's she. (Don't think I meant to make that rhyme.) So I play this song, Blue, by Yoko Kanno.
It's now 3:20. I've noticed this kills a lot of time, which is why I'll probably be posting journal entries in my spare time, mostly just for my entertainment. I highly doubt that anyone will happen to come upon my journal. I guess I'll go back to posting, or whatever I was doing.
A'ight. Peace.
At ten o'clock on Fridays is when I get online, only for an hour. I accidentally slept through that time and nobody cared to wake me up nor turn off my computer. My dreams were weird-- the song "Gold Digger" and some weird, sickly kid's drawing of a pug he gave to me. Yeah. Weird. So weird it stirred me awake, and here I am, noobing around on gaia and posting on llamas-retreat.com, whilst also surfing the web for random things that pop in my head to ease my boredness.
School was terrible. I honestly hate that place; not because of the work or anything, but because of the people there. I can't stand them, yet I smile and have a short, friendly conversation with them almost every day. Amazing.
Something embarrassing happened. I turned deep red in class, ears and all. The band teacher was ripping everybody about what they were doing wrong, and then she turns to me and says, "[My name here]'s solo-- okay, she started out on alto saxophone last year, then she found out she had TMJ. Still wanting to be in band, she moved to percussion. Then during the summer she said, 'Hey, I want to play flute.' and here she is! An amazing flutist!" Everybody was boring their eyes into me, I could feel it, and some of them had hatred for me. I was sliding further in my chair, dying of embarrassment. Complimenting me in front of a group of people is just slightly embarrassing for me, but when you yell at people and then brag about me, that's something deeper than embarrassment. I hate it.
Lately I've been irritable. Extremely irritable. And I'm not talking about that once-a-month thing, I'm saying it's worse than that. For the past couple/few weeks, I've been twitching and having muscle spasms. My heart beat increases sometimes, once I actually felt it through my shirt without having to put my hand on my heart. Dizziness gets me sometimes, as well as depression. I'm depressed. But I'm lucky to have a friend that can make me smile almost every time. This friend cheers me up a lot-- too bad we have a three-day weekend, and that friend can't come and make me feel better. But I have the next best thing: my friend on AIM who is still away, and it's now 3:15. (You don't need sleep, silly. biggrin )
Things at home are getting worse. I've been trying making nice with my mom, but it's just not working at all. Now I know that when she blames me for our bad relationship, it's my mom being immature again, having to blame someone for everything... It's not me. It's she. (Don't think I meant to make that rhyme.) So I play this song, Blue, by Yoko Kanno.
It's now 3:20. I've noticed this kills a lot of time, which is why I'll probably be posting journal entries in my spare time, mostly just for my entertainment. I highly doubt that anyone will happen to come upon my journal. I guess I'll go back to posting, or whatever I was doing.
A'ight. Peace.
