Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I hate the words.
I hate them.
I hate them.

I hate the dark.
I hate the loneliness.
I hate the light.
I hate the happiness.
I hate the sadness.
I hate watching others have what I can't.
I hate them all for mocking me.
I hate them all for being untrustworthy.
I hate them all.

I hate being wrong all the time.
I hate having flawed logic.
I hate having to sit here and talk to a screen, and pray someone will talk back.
I hate having to be that one person who smiles and laughs all the time.
I hate having no one.
I hate sitting here alone.
I hate watching others with people they care about.
I hate it when people smile.
I hate it when people kiss.
I hate happy endings.
I hate being teased for trying to be kind.
I hate having only my Elly to tell my day too.

I hate having to sit here and type these words out on a journal where people will think, "she needs help" "she's such an emo" "she's a ******** b***h" "she needs to stop whining" Well I don't want your ******** opinions. Please stop looking at me. Please stop saying these words. I hate your words. I hate you all so much...I hate you all for your moments of clarity and peace and calmness and happiness. I hate you all for being able to watch a sunset with someone you care about. I hate you all for being able to hug that person you love, and listen to their heart beat. I hate you for having someone real to hold when your sitting in the dark all alone. I hate you for thinking you've had it worse. I hate you for not considering me. I hate you for just sitting there and staring at me. I hate you for pitying me. I hate you for trying to relate to me. I hate you for lying and saying, "I love you." I hate you for making promises you can't keep. I hate you for making me happy. I hate you for not catching me. I hate you for not saving me. I hate you for leaving me here. I hate you for trying to be nice. I hate you for bringing my hopes up. I hate you for showing me how nice it is to be hugged. I hate you for being right. I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for being the only thing that keeps me from going insane. I hate you for being someone I can't stop thinking about. I hate you for bringing me to the edge.

I just hate you all, so bloody much.