"Are you still there?" I ask only to hear my voice echo back at me. Do I hate myself that much? To keep myself down, in a position where my soul is tortured just because someone finds a joy in it. You do find joy in it, even if you don't realize it. The things I do that bring you joy and brighten up your day kill me inside because they are not returned. You like it when I'm in pain and you have no intent to put me out of my misery. You know what can end it and that very thing will not happen. I just wait hoping it does. What did we learn? ******** hope. Hope is the bringer of pain. A man must choose between what is right and what is easy. I hold that saying to be true and I keep reminding myself of it. Yet I'm weak and pathetic and choosing to do what is easy. It's easy to stay, but the right thing to do is leave. I think I need to break my first promise. Just this once. To save myself.
I refuse to be plan B for people anymore. You would have always come first.
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