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June 26, 2009 6:14PM

My hearts aching again. Im thinking about my Arii-chan...the only reason is because Im listening to 'do you believe me now' by Jimmy Wayne.
It makes me think of her, and how much I love her and want to be with her.
I've been with her since 6th grade...Im in 11th now...well...was, Im in 12th actually...next time I get back to school.
How old was I? 10 or so? Im now 16...we started out as friends and had a lot happen to us...we've been through a lot together...I guess.
I kinda miss thoughs days...when I lived right next door to her and we would be outside till it was like...12 at night.
Thoughs were good days...good memories.
*Sighs*...my feelings for her have grown into something more over all thoughs years, and I want to...be with her, show her these feelings.
But...I dont think she feels the same about me.
We did talk about this once...she said it would be to weird and that it would be hard with my mom.
My mom is against being homosexual.
I wish she would just give me one chance, one chance to show her how great it would be with me. But...I guess...she doesnt want that.

I...sometimes wonder if she's scared...

...

All these thoughts...make my mind wonder to other thoughts too.
Like when she told me her mom lets her drink. But only if she's at home doing it.
She had always said to me - "stay away from drugs and alcohol and never do anything like that", but now she's drinking and stuff...
I never thought that she would ever do something liek that...It suprised me greatly when I heard about it.

She's failling classes (not that I have a right to...say this or anything because I fail classes too) now and...I never thought that would happen either...but...I mean sometimes I feel like I dont know her any more.
I kinda wish everything would go back to the way it was...but it cant, can it?

...Everything changes in time weither we like it or not. People change, lives change, the world changes...everything changes.
I think because both of us have changed, that we're growing apart some...I dont like to think of that, but I have now choice really. Its right up in my face.

...Im not sure what else to say about this whole thing...I...just kinda...wanted to get somethings off my chest, and I have writing about this, and I feels good.

Doumo Arigatou *bows*