1.House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
2.if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
3.When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
4.I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
5.Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
6. Anything you say will be held against you. ... "boobs"
7.A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
9.Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
10.Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.
11.My mother never saw the irony in calling me ugly.
12.In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
13.I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
14.War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography.
15.I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!
16. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
17.A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad.
18.Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
19.Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
20.Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
21.Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
22.If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
23.Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart, he dreams himself your master.
24.The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
25.Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. -- Albert Einstein
26.If you're not on somebody's s**t list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.
27.Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
28.When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
29.You never truely understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. --Albert Einstein
30.Beauty, brains, availability, personality; pick any two.
31.The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
32.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
33.Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
34.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
35.Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
36.People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
37.An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
38.Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
39.The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
 treeslounge · Tue May 26, 2009 @ 01:30pm · 0 Comments |
