I stare out the window of my room and watch the last rays of the sun dissapate. I consentrate on trying to get back into the mindset that allows me to survive at this brothel.
But all I can think about is him
I can no longer consentrate on what i need to do to live. He keeps crossing my mind... I keep comparing him to these Bastards... and he wins every time.
I need to pull myself together.
I can not live like this.
All hung up on him....
He told me he doesnt care for me.
I knew that deep down.
So why does it come as a shock?
Why does it hurt so badly I can barely move?
Why do I long for his touch?
Why do I feel the need to run back to him, beg him to at least pretend to care?
Why do I feel the need to hurt myself by going back to him?
I've already given him everything I have... I have no more left. What can I give him to make him stay?
Why am I even trying? I saw his face when he looked at her... How he turned red... how he couldn't say i was the only girl He's ever loved without zoning out and thinking of her.
Thats it. I give up. I'm sick and tired of running my emotions ragged for him. I'll eventually get over this, and then I won't Leave this place until I die. I'll never see him again... and then he can be happy with her.
...
But then he walked through my doors... Said he had 'booked' me for a night... Why? Is he here to torture me?
Can I treat him as a customer or will I burst into tears?
How can i protect myself?
...
Do I want to?
But all I can think about is him
I can no longer consentrate on what i need to do to live. He keeps crossing my mind... I keep comparing him to these Bastards... and he wins every time.
I need to pull myself together.
I can not live like this.
All hung up on him....
He told me he doesnt care for me.
I knew that deep down.
So why does it come as a shock?
Why does it hurt so badly I can barely move?
Why do I long for his touch?
Why do I feel the need to run back to him, beg him to at least pretend to care?
Why do I feel the need to hurt myself by going back to him?
I've already given him everything I have... I have no more left. What can I give him to make him stay?
Why am I even trying? I saw his face when he looked at her... How he turned red... how he couldn't say i was the only girl He's ever loved without zoning out and thinking of her.
Thats it. I give up. I'm sick and tired of running my emotions ragged for him. I'll eventually get over this, and then I won't Leave this place until I die. I'll never see him again... and then he can be happy with her.
...
But then he walked through my doors... Said he had 'booked' me for a night... Why? Is he here to torture me?
Can I treat him as a customer or will I burst into tears?
How can i protect myself?
...
Do I want to?
