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i am just one person and my heart is not made of steel. but ppl seem to forget that. i asked if i was annoying recently knowing the answer. my reply: only a little.

my thoughts: i knew it...is that why he doesn't love me anymore? am i too annoying?
so.
i sat and thought for a while.

my thoughts: so...why do i want to change myself for someone who cheated on me and didnt have the guts to tell me...? was that some sort of plot for me to break things off? was that it? was this all just a plan for me to break up w/him so he could be w/her? why didnt he just tell me? it would have been easier...it would explain why i couldn't get my feelings on the table...

anywayz. now im mad at myself for being so stupid blind and incosiderate. i havent had one good nights rest becuase this whole thing has been bothering me. i have talked to some ppl but they just talk about something else.

my thoughts: if you ask someone wats rong atleast act like you care for 5 min after word.

no one really care, atleast from my observation. the few frends i HAVE talked to about this usually end up changing the subject. i told my cousin "if you don't care just say so. that way i'll shut up" in my mind: "and stop annoying the heck out of everyone." so i have a new goal in life.

GOAL: shut up and stop anonying everyone.

i am well aware that my voice is annoying, my personalty is annoying. i dont shut up i never calm down i repeatedly get told "Rebby! stop!" with an annoyed tone to folow. that or a dirty look. so i just back off. so yea. im just ganna disapear ....pull a hudene and become invsisble to the world around me. ill just be a waste of space. its all i am any way...right? right.

im a sure that alot of ppl will happy to NOT hear my big mouth. my frends dont even talk to me much anymore. no one listens...maybe that's why i feel so safe to write this here and not in my real journal, no one knows it me. and no one will care...no one will read this...so here i go...poof... im gone...