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shallow friendships.
I'm done with having awkward silence. Having nothing to talk about.
This isn't their fault, entirely, I just need to make myself a better friend. A better person.
Farmers was bust. It wasnt fun at all.

I'm going on a make-up strike, not because I have anything against eyeliner, but I don't want my confidence and my "beauty" to be defined by it. Plus, I'm saving like, 12$ a month and 5 minutes of my morning.

Starting today, I'm trying to avoid meat. Something Janice said just got to me.
I was talking about how I couldn't bring myself to eat fried alligator, and she shot back "Oh? But you're perfectly okay with eating tortured chicken?"

I thought about it for awhile.
If i was raising my own food, I could NOT kill a chicken. A cow. A pig. A turkey. Not even a fish. The countless animals I have eaten over 18 years..
I know people were made to be carnivores, but.. I'm just filled with guilt. I'm a selfish consumer. I eat things that have minds of their own, things which have been known to have charming personalties and have sparked debate of the soul.
I'm just.. ashamed that I have allowed myself to eat these animals.

I'm going to read the bible. I'm going to read the Book of Mormon. It will take me months, maybe even years, but I want to develop my own view on religion, I want to interpret it myself. I believe in God, I just want to see how it was actually written, not how the church has portrayed it, not how other people see it, I want to see it for myself.

I am learning acoustic guitar. Terribly, but I am learning. I want to create music, instead of just being a listener.

I want to be a friend, instead of always searching for a friend.

I need to start running every morning like I used to.

I am creating a better future for myself.