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I sit && think... think about how I feel as if I could throw up at tha mention of his name, think about when we had phone sex && how many timesz I came, think about how silly I was to believe he really loved me, how silly I was to think he would put no one above me or how I believed him when he said he was thinkin only of me. Everything was a lie, yu lied when you said yu wanted me, yu lied when you said yu didn't want my friend, yu lied when yu said I was yo "wifey", yu lied over && over again, you lied when yu said yu were gone be faithful & when yu said yu didn't cheat, you probably even lied to me when yu said yu wanted to meet. I think about how your a lying a** b***h, think about how infuriated I am with yu, think about how if I knew I'd get away wit it, had a means of doin it && knew no one would snitch, I'd kill yo a** && throw yu in a ditch with no mercy, cus yu had none for me,you don't && never did seem to care about anything yu did & how it hurts me. Yea, I play it off && cuss your a** out, act like I don't care, but I know for a fact yu not stupid, I know yu know I'm torn apart deep down in my heart, deep down inside of there. I think about how yu don't care about me && yu never did, think about the only reason yu wanted me, exhibit A, what's in between these legs. I'm thinkin bouht how I dread talkin to this blue-eyed dread head who's hurt me so bad. Think about how short && ******** up of a relationship yu && me had. I think about how pathetic && worthless yu are && yet you've left me oh so scarred. I think about how I told everyone yu were my "husband" && skipped around all jolly without a worry in my childish head. I think about how utterly ******** stupid I am for thinkin you were the 'one' like Tyrese, thinking you were that 1 && only, I think about how now I'm sittin here alone && writing anotha got damn poem, feelin sad && lonely. I think about how no one cares, think about how to break my heart, everyone dares, how everyone else seems to have found theirs && how everyone else I know seems all happy with their lives && I'm left to just stand in awe && stare. I think about the fact that I've been in this situation so many times before that I'm used to it && it doesn't matter. Think about how ******** up this little thing I call my life is, I think about how the endless rain of pain on my window sill makes a pitter patter. I think about how I feel as if someones taken my heart out from my chest && torn it into a million little pieces, I think about how I fall for people too quik && how my hearts been on a million different leases, I think about how I'm provin him right with every word I scribble on this big a** sheet of paper, think about how if we would have ******** I wouldn't be able to tear that page from my book, hot it would be statutory rape, how I wouldn't of had an eraser, I think about the load of utter bullshit that comes out of yo mouth every time yu open your mouth to speak, think about how pitiful I feel, I think about how I feel so soft && weak, think about how I can't even open my mouth to let out these words I so carelessly write out on this paper. I think of how I'll never find true love, how I'll never find something heaven sent or something sent from above. I think about how I feel as if there is no place for me in this cold world, how I thought that I was yur 1 && only girl, I think about how I feel sick to my stomach, how I feel like I'm finna hurl, think about the way you moan && the naughty things you told me every night that made me wet my draws && made my toes begin to curl, I think about so many thins my head starts to spin, maybe I will never win, I think about how I feel like this horrible journey I'm on will never end, I think about how maybe this is karma giving me what I deserve, think about how it may be God payin me back for the things that I've dont && that I did, I think about everything, everything that was done && everything said, I think about how I'm going crazy && insane && how all this s**t is runnin wild throughout my brain, I think about how I can't even go to bed, cus'z I'm thinkin of you && I have so many things inside of my worried && unhappy head. I'm thinking bouht the fact that yu "hate" me. I'm thinking about how yu callin me at 2:34 in da mornin tryna get me back, like Rihanna said yu can 'Take a bow', I'ts funny, yu said yean give a "********" earlier, buht you want me back now. Ioun really care no more, I'm in a mind state like ******** it, I don't really give a s**t, I might just get back wit yu && use yu for yo d**k, matta fact, I will && do exactly what you did to me, yu must be a dumb a** muthafukka if you think yu gone get back with me && I'mma be faithful... pshhhhh, hell yea I'mma cheat, I'm thinkin bouht how you act like yu harder than concrete, when da fact of the matter is, baby, yu softer than soft serve ice cream. I'm thinkin bouht how I wanna take yo a** out with da beam, I'm thinkin up a scheme, yu do yu && I'mma do whut I do. I'm thinkin bouht how you so cocky like you could get any chick, *****, yean even that fine to start wit. I'm thinkin bouht how yu telling me bouht how yu was ******** yu other b***h, stop frontin, talkin bouht yu finna go ******** her now, baby, if yu was gone ******** her why yu talkin to me still, && yes please do call her, cusz she aint gone do shyt && basically she just another hoe I'mma deal wit yu would just go && do it, I'm thinkin bouht so much s**t it ain't even funny, buht what is funny is yo b***h a** && I'm also thinkin bouht how you'll never get everything yu want && everything yu had, which is all of this,back.


Dedicated to Calvin. ;3.