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Things that I find myself saying that I usually end up regretting:

"It's unfortunate that you're speaking to a person that isn't listening."

"You're so strange... in the best of ways, of course."

"If I were to point out your horrible grammar and spelling, would you hate me?"

"My love of money is like your face; an ugly that only gets worse."

"I recently had pears. Did you know that pears are known to give people flatulence?"

"Agh, I broke my perfect record and got an A-. I feel so stupid. So what did you get?"

"The scent of your soap reminds me of old people."

"Eh, my day was okay. I woke up at five to drive my mom to the hospital and waited for five hours for the test results. Apparently she has a punctured lung and fractured ribs on top of the broken leg, so it looks like I'll be her b***h for another three weeks. But please, tell me about yours."

"I'm so glad that at least one person on this team can pitch a softball."

Maybe more later... rolleyes I am dumb sometimes. ^^