hey...
in a way this is a farewell letter. i won't be on gaia for a while. it's not because i don't want to be. but because i'm grounded and therefore am not allowed to be on the internet except for schoolwork. i screwed up. i've been trying to do better with my homework but i screwed up, and now i'm paying the price. i wish dad would try to understand what i'm going through rather than seeing everything through his o-so-perfect eyes. but i can't do anything about the way he sees me. i probably never will be able to do anything about that. no matter how hard i try if i slip up a little dad makes it ten times worse and sends the whole thing crashing down on me. i wish i could tell dad how i feel. but thank god laura doesn't read my journal or she'd probably give it to him. he never let's me tell him how i feel, always interupting with his "i'm the parent so i know everything and i'm always right" attitude. in a way he is in a bigger hole than me because he is so narrow minded. i cried a lot, it's that time of month so of course i'm especially emotional. God is a sadist. speaking of god let me list some of dad's terms, u be the judge of the rational and the irational:
1. no more recreational reading (one of the only things that keeps me sane)
2. no more internet (technically writing my goodbye letter is infringement on this)
3. no tv (he didn't really specify for how long but the other two apply in his ruling)
4. i must go to church this sunday and the vesper service that night (because nothing says i love god like being forced to attend mass)
5. if i don't finish my homework by tomorrow at 2pm then no friends fri. night (understandable given the situation)
aside from number 4 (which i think he just decided to throw in there because he's the lawmaker and since i'm in trouble i have to do whatever he says, because like i said earlier nothing says i love god like being forced to go to mass) i think it's pretty reasonable
i just wish he'd try to understand what i'm going through more. he can't pull bull like "i've tried, but i just can't understand you" because if i say that i'm TRYING he'll say that THAT'S bull and that i'm not trying HARD enough. my mental breakdowns and panic attacks beg to differ but there's the gist of it.
ironically i'm still allowed to go with dad and laura on spring break to florida and the bahamas. he threatened to cancel the trip altogether and while i wouldn't like that i told him when he started planning that all i wanted was to spend time with him. i didn't care if we were on the beach or on the couch. i just wanted to hang with my dad. i should probably take care of the assignments that got me into this giant steaming mound of s**t now before i take on the task of cleaning my room. i'd like it to stop smelling by the time spring break is over. sweatdrop
will life go on?
ema
The Ink Alchemist Community Member 
|
|
