As I watch the shadows
On my wall
The moon a silver orb
Outside my window
Hoping he doesn't come tonight
I feel him coming
Ever closer than before
Closing my eyes
I wish he would stay away
But he comes
I stare at the floor
Enshrouded in darkness
Wishing the dreams
Hadn't visited
Yet still they come
The memories of my past
The blood, the screaming
His face
I turn my head
Try to block out the noise
Stare at some spot on
The floor above me
And see myself
I see what my dispair had done
I watch her pick it up
The edge dull with blood
His blood
Try to cut her wrist
I cry out in pain
She has no luck
I watch her try again
Hurting me instead
My blood runs fast
Flows past my arms
Across my chest
To fill my mouth
Clouding my vision
She succeeds at last
And I watch in a daze
As she smiles up at
Him
She breathes her last
And I am helpless
I must stay here
And watch
And He takes her spirit
And leaves me
I am left alone
Until he decides to come again
And force me to watch
As I kill myself
All over again
Until morning comes
I am left here
In this non-world
Waiting and watching
As my life is portrayed
Before me
I am left with
An uncontrollable longing
For him to release me
To let me kill myself
One last time
I can remember
In the daylight hours
The first time
When my insanity
Had overthrown my love
And I had killed him
I had returned to myself
Just in time to watch
His last breath
My love had made me cry
I hadn't known
He'd died hating me
I had chosen my end
And tried to slit my wrists
Only to find that
The edge had been
Dulled by his blood
Calmly
I had tried again
Cutting my throat
Any large arteries
Anywhere I could
Draw my heart's blood
I had succeeded
And had smiled
In pure joy
When he had come
For me
My surprise had been
Imminent
When I had awakened
In the asylum
And found no trace
Of my wounds
He had died hating me
So I was cursed to
Forever love him
As he tortured me
And makes me
Watch my love
Kill me
As my insanity
Had killed
Him
This is what my
Fallen angel does
To help me repent
Someday
I will be free to stop myself
From killing Him
In order by killing
Myself first
I know he would
Commit siucide
But at least we would
Be together
Without the twisted
Angels' humor
