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With love in the air, and the V-day just around the corner, I wonder what will happen to me this year. Every year its the same. I'm single, I'm alone, and I'm stuck watching other couples enjoy a school dance or being the "pity" party member on a date. I'm always sitting alone on the bench, or sitting on a beach, watching the sun set on yet another day filled with normal passages (only everyone is rubbing the love in your face) Well, I guess I can't really complain. I mean, I just can't see myself with short term relationship. And by short term I mean 2 months. Its just hard to do something like that, because my feelings seem to get the best of me. huh...You know, its funny. I have friends who always complain about not having a special someone in their life, tried of being alone. And I always tell them, just wait it out, you'll find someone. I've been waiting for a year now. Waiting and waiting for the right person. Sure I've had my many dates and whatever, but like...they weren't special. They weren't right for whatever reason and it always stopped so suddenly. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. Maybe, for some reason, I can't find the right person because I'm looking in the wrong places. I don't know. I just know what I want, and what I want I can't find. I can't find the lover who will hold me close and tell me everything will be able. I can't find the lips that lock with mine, letting me know that I'm loved. I can't find the eyes that shine brightly every time I look into them. Well...I can't find love. And it sucks. And hurts, and I feel like my heart wants to burst from my chest, and cry itself to sleep. But thats pointless. Its pointless to dream of the perfect life. Its pointless to dream up a fairytale story, where the knight saves the princess from a dragon. Its pointless to hope for a hopeless dream to come true. It's just pointless...So damn pointless. And it hurts when you're disappointed ya know? I know I'm not the pretties girl out there. I know that I'm hard to seduce and take control of. I know that I'm just some fat black girl, with short nappy hair, and thick eye-glasses who has spelling and speaking troubles. I just...I don't know. I want to be different. I want to change. But I know I can't. And for some reason my friends don't know how I feel deep down inside...Hell I don't know what I really feel. *sighs* Well...I should stop before I go any further.