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...But I guess I'm just bored and thoughtful and I feel like I'm losing a part of me I never wanted to lose. That part that keeps me stabled and able to function when my friends need me the most. But lately, I've been waking up crying. Crying so hard that my mom wants to take me back to my psych doctor now. I don't want to sleep anymore. I stay up late on purpose just to avoid having another dream...A nightmare.

These nightmares. They're hunting images of death and chaos. It starts the same and always ends the same, but the middle is different. Always different.

The newest one is I'm walking in a crisp green filed filled with flowers. I can see my friends ahead of me, laughing and goofing around. And I smile. Everyone is happy, everyone is in love, everyone is just there, being true to them self at last. But then the world changes and I'm in a basement, chained to a chair. A T.V. is in front of me, showing images of my friends in the filed still, having the time of their lives. Then, the T.V. changes and I see one of my closest friends in a chair like mines, only he's laying on his stomach. A person is over him, with 3 other men, laughing. They began to hurt him badly, cutting his flesh, while riping his a**l with strange objects. I try to turn my head, but it's in this cage like thing, forcing me to watch. I can't close my eyes. I couldn't for some reason. It changes again, now I see another friend, this time on her back, being skinned alive slowly by a barbed wire. The man doing it is laughing, joking with one of his own friends as she screams, calling my name. I still can't look away. Still can't hide. I can't help them. T.V. changes into a new room. It's my two best friends in the whole world. Both on the floor, naked, yelling. Steam is coming from their bodies, and I notice that their eye sockets are empty. They're being burned from the inside out with hot acid or some other. Their hearts are seen threw their melting skin, beating slowly as they die. I can't take it anymore. I cry. I can't turn away. I can't help them. I'm helpless. Hopeless. Useless. The T.V. goes off and I wake up. I wake up with tears in my eyes. But it isn't over. I'm in bed, tears falling on my lap. And the tears burn threw the sheets. Leavening marks on my legs. I look up and see myself looking at me. I can't stand the sight of me. I can't stand to look. I'm just a worthless child, with no purpose. I couldn't help them. Couldn't save them. But I'm dieing too. I see that now. I feel something chewing on my leg and I screm. It's a giant rat. It keeps chewing, and more come to join. I scream, I run, but theres no escape. I can't get out. I cal my friends and a door opens. The rats have me in a corner as the person walks in. It's a woman, and my firends are behhind her, unharmed. Looking at me, she says, "Why should we help you, when you just wacthed us die." I see her face then and let out a sob. It's Angel, my dear Angel. They turn and leave me behind to die. TO be eating alive. It becomes dark and I'm yelling, "Angel! I'm sorry! Angel! Guys! Please come back! I don't want to die here alone! Please! Let me be with you!"

I wake up for real this time screaming that. I cry and cry until either I stop or my mom comes in. This has been going on for awhile now. I haven't told my friends because it's so...not that important. It starts the same but the middle is different and yet the ending is the same. I'm screaming for my Angel. My Friends. Everyone. And it's so stupid because I know deep down it's me whose just being over worried and over protective. But I can't help it ya know? My friends are that important to me, and when they're in pain and I can't do nothing to help them it hurts. It hurts so badly. I didn't want to tell them. Didn't want to say anything. But I know sooner or later they'll read this. And this is the best way I can tell them. So yes. I tell them. Just not in the way their use too...

Sorry guys...but you're all going threw so much right now. I don't want to became another problem for you...