I can't really put words on how i feel right now, i mean there is no single word i can use because right now im bouncing back and forth between happy, sad, angry, and lonely. She picked kerry, i don't know why apparrently he was acting more like a friend than a lover, and that's what she wanted... but whatever. I want to just tell her i love her, and i want to be with her, but last week when i lost control it didn't really help. It just made her cry, whitch is deffinetly not going to help me at all, now she is talking to me again, but it still feels awkward. *sigh* i wish kerry would actually tell her the truth instead of coming up with excuses for all his actions... that's like one thing he does that seriously pissess me off, because at least whenever i told her something it would be the truth. Whenever he says something to try to make her feel better he is lying because he doesn't want her to be hurt.
Me, instead of being mean, and lying to her i tell her the truth, and then i follow up with how that makes her better though. I mean, i have to admit nobody is perfect but if you can actually look past that you'll be able to find the good. I want to tell her all this, but i can't sad that's the thing that sucks too... because whenever i want to i feel like it isn't right, plus i know kerry will only make up excuses for it to bullshit the whole thing. Maybe part of it is a half-truth, but inside i don't want to believe anything he tells me because whenever he does, i feel like there is something he left out, and that he had to think about it. Either way this s**t sucks, every day i just feel like just letting it all go, and wind up killing someone out of rage, I really hate how he manipulates her though.
Example, last week i was making her feel bad but he didn't tell me i was and neither did she... well, ya figure if you really really really really really care for someone then you would do something like tell your friend what he is doing. I mean the excuse was he thought i would get depressed, but if you think about it the difference between me being depressed depends on how long it went. I don't think he didn't want to hurt my feelings, somehow i feel like it might have been deliberate, like he wanted me to do that so he could look good. Either way, i truthfully just want her back.... i mean i doubt he even really loves her, and i don't want to have her get hurt, but he says every girl he dates is his soulmate, and even if it hasn't been all of them, all the ones that i have known him for, he claims to deeply love them more than anything, and claim they are his soulmate and he will love them forever, but he winds up leaving them or something horrible happens.
Seeing as how his latest is a girl i happen to love, you can see where this whole situation bugs me. Even if her leaving me for my friend, i still think it's kinda ******** lame that he would even do that. I mean hell, the day before he said he had feelings for her he told another friend of mine he had feelings for her. It's like "dude, make up your ******** mind". he also says he had thought this completly through before deciding, and he didn't want to hurt me, but if you think about it, no matter what if he said he liked her it would hurt me, so it brings up the question of whether or not i should really trust he did that, or just believe him breaking up with his ex-girlfriend (who he also claimed to love and cherish.. ect. ect. and told her he would never break it off with her). well, i can't really say anything else... i guess i could add my moods... in a chain... biggrin sad neutral cry mad smile sad
PheonixFlare Community Member 
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