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GodDAMNIT! I need to get this out of my system.
Since I was little, well not so little, I've been a ******** LOSER. I used to be ok, then all of a sudden the kids in my school started picking on me. Mario's a crybaby, Mario's s**t, Mario's from Africa. WHAT THE ********! I was very ******** cute as a kid, I swear to god. D: I should've been a freaking heartthrob. But no! My best years were thrown to the garbage. As I grew up I started gaining wieght. GOD how do I regret leaving the football team. My ******** life would've been so different if I'd stayed and had a healthy, sexy, average body. Heck, who knows if I'd end up this shitty if I'd eventually gotten to hang out with the kids that made my life hell.
I can't act like a martyr, though. I brought it on myself, as well. I was a ******** a*****e! AN a*****e! I was so mean back then. You'd never guess Mario nowadays was a serial killer in progress. I just wish everything had been different. I wish I'd had friends and done better at school. God, I wish I wasn't gay. I wish I weren't balding at ******** 17. I wish I had the willpower to lose those extrapounds. I wish I was more sociable. I wish I could define my career. I wish I could ******** draw better. I wish I could be someone else. I wish I could be a better person. AAAAAHHHHH! GOD! Why are there people who can eat a dozen ******** hamburgers and not gain a pound!? I HATE YOU ALL! I HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU! xD It's so ******** stupid it's funny! Of course I know it's my fault I consider myself as a lardass! But do you think I haven't tried!? DAMNED BE ME IF I HAVEN'T! I even became a ******** BULLIMIC! DAMN YOU, SON OF A b***h! THAT'S WHY I'M LOSING MY HAIR, YOU a*****e! GOD! IT'S ALL YOUR ******** FAULT, ISN'T IT!? THAT'S WHY I BECAME A ******** ATHEIST A WHILE BACK!
I was so fed up with everything being against me I hated you so much! Now I realize that you have a ******** plan for everything! WHY!? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO IN THIS ******** PLANET! Ok, so some people consider me as a good friend, but heck! Do I consider myself as a good friend? NO! Besides, I know I sometimes-no, a lot of times hurt the people I love. Heck, I'm an a*****e with my parents and family. Why am I like that!? I want to be a good person, when was that a bad thing!? You have no idea of how much I've suffered thinking: Why the hell did I have manboobs? Why the hell am I such a mediocre piece of s**t in everything I do? Why can girls beat the crap out of me? Why doesn't anyone like my drawings or my ideas for stories or my clothing designs? AM I THAT BAD!? DO I SUCK SO MUCH a** THAT NOT EVEN PEOPLE WHO I CONSIDER TACKY LIKE IT!? I'LL NEVER GET A MAN, DAMNIT! You made me a ******** homo and a fatass, as well. WHAT THE ******** IS UP WITH THAT!? Have you any idea of how hard it is to be fat and gay!? IT'S A ******** OXYMORON, a*****e! I'll be alone all my ******** life...
DD:
If I continue I'm going to have a stroke.
Thank you, good night.
PS: I don't hate you, I just... feel abandoned.
AND YES I KNOW IT'S ******** ABSURD TALKING TO GOD IN YOUR GAIA JOURNAL. gonk
 Lunavela · Thu Dec 27, 2007 @ 04:57am · 2 Comments |
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