Just when I think my life is becoming better, it only gets worst. I know that my life is 1000x better than some other people in the world, but what's a life without a good family? I don't hate my family, I mean how could I hate them? It's just.... I hate the way they act. Today, in the morning, everything was perfectly fine. That was until the afternoon. If you didn't already know, my older sister has a boyfriend she brings home every night. He sleeps here, eats here, showers here, doesn't say "hi" while walking in, has no manners whatsoever, and he hates me. Everyone hates him, but my parents are too "soft" to do anything about it. They're afraid of hurting my sister's feelings. And due to that, my sister takes advantage of them. I'm not even joking, but I seriously think that my sister is the daughter of the devil, if not the reincarnation. I want to do something about it, but everytime I tried in the past [[when I was around 5 or 6]], my sister would always threaten me with a knife. She made me believe that she would actually kill me, so I would always have to run and hide, and cling to my parents for dear life. Probably because of that, now I'm too afraid to do anything about it.
I guess that's enough of my pity story.. but today, my sister's cold [[she caught it like 2 months ago]] became REALLY bad. My mom wanted to take her back to the doctor, but she refused to go since our family doctor is really bad. My mom kept on bugging her to go, and well.... a HUGE fight broke out. Normally I'm used to huge fights, but this time my sister began hitting my mom, and when my mom wanted to call 911, my sister took the phone away and began throwing it at my mom. When I tried to run into the room to call, my sister stopped me. I don't know what to do anymore.... I don't know how much more of this I can take...! My dad is in another state, and it's because he can't stand my mom. He's been travelling back and forth ever since I was born. He would stay here for a week, then go away for 6 months, then come back for a week, then leave for 6 months again, and etc. I admit it, I'm too much of a coward to do ANYTHING about it. The worst part is that... my sister's boyfriend is over, and he didn't even try stopping her! I don't know why, but I keep getting a really bad feeling that something bad is going to happen in the future. I keep feeling like the two of them are going to kill my parents.... I don't know what I should do....
I managed to sneak into my room, but my sister disconnected all the phone cords. I'm crying right now, I feel like I'm about to break down any minute... *sigh* I think if my sister's life wasn't so good, she wouldn't be like this. I actually wish we were homeless, then maybe everyone would come to their senses. If we were homeless, we would rely on each other for survival. And in my opinion, a homeless family who loves and cares for each other, is better than a rich family who hates each other. My family isn't even that rich.. they're struggling to help pay for everything, and here my sister is, not caring. If we didn't have a house or anything.. no one would have to fight like this.. I don't want it to be like this anymore. I want all these damn fights to stop, I've seriously had enough of all these ridiculous fights over nothing!! Because of everything happening, I've been wanting to commit suicide.. to be honest, I don't know why I haven't yet. I guess that me hoping things will get better is keeping me alive, but it's only getting worst......
Well, whatever.. I'll leave it at that...
If you've read the whole thing, I'd like to say thanks.... it's sometimes so hard trying to act like you're happy all the time, when deep down your heart is crying. Having all your support on Gaia is great, but... I know that if I needed help in real life, no one would be there for me... especially since all my friends in real life left me, saying how I was too "weird" for them. Oh well, that's life for you...
-Ino
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