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Have you ever thought so much that the things that just never make sense all of a suden just come to life, like something finally makes sense to you, when nothing else ever did?
Well here's the insight to my life. I'm a girl, obviously, who writes just not enough, and thinks so much about the negitive aspects that she tends to drive herself, and other crazy. I worry, constantly. I worry about the weather, I worry that I'll wake up one day and my bf will have dumped me, all my friends will hate me, and my life will just end. I fear silly things that will probably never take place, and from that i push people away. I can be nice, I love to listen, but from those who really, really got to see the person I am, under the person I try to be, I'm very complicated and messed up.
I'm like a jumble of colored wires that when you talking to me you don't know which one to cut without setting off an explosive. I like to find reasons to fight with people, why? For some reason it's my own defennse, I hate it afterwards, I hate what it does in the long term. I;ve ruined many a peoples lives, and I;ve done the opposite. So with me, you tend to take the good with the bad I suppose.
So thing is, when you think too much, you see all these things, your own flaws become so apparent to you, you wish you could take an eraser and just...well....erase everyting that causes other termoil.
I guess what I'm trying to get at in this mess of ramblings is, I'm a person. I've had problems. I was beaten back in 5th grade, I've been lied to, and had my mind ******** with for three years of my life...I'm not sane, at least not on some levels, I do have some problems that I wish i could deal with, but I can't. I'll always be insecure, and worry when my boyfriend hangs around his friend who is another girl. I'll always hide in my shell, wondering if I did something wrong if someone looks at me while speaking to another person. i'll always be this person, the one that very, very few people know.
So this is the problem when you think to much, you really begin to udnerstand how much rambling can bring out the personality you really like to hide.
Moo, over and out.
 Anrui4 · Thu Jun 09, 2005 @ 03:54am · 3 Comments |
