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I don't know
Bored
eh, no idea why i'm writing this one, just bored i guess... Life's been hell all my life, but i've always had a friend to fall back on... until this year. During the year, i acted like a real a*****e, not because i was angry, but because i had no one to help me out of it. I would talk of how material possesions meant so much to me before, but they really didn't. I would have given it all for one person. A person who has always been there for me... a year without her left me broken. I turned to things i had thrown away, items i had given up on, in an attempt to try to find something similar. My new love for Yugioh... started because of a card she once gave me. She never really like it, but it meant a lot to me. I've yet to construct a deck matching it however. My carefree and random attitude... the way i was when with her. I threw aside my demons that i had become because she once refused to talk to me for six months due to it. My need to make sure no one ever insults my friends or hurts them... because i failed to protect her, and i will never let that happen again. Truthfully, i've always said i don't care what people think about me, but i've changed everything for her, hell, the reason i grew my hair out was because she liked it. I started watching anime because she liked it... i even went to calmer music because she knew that music better. Don't tell me i'm just being an idiot, because this wasn't something i had planned on doing, it's just... something that happened that i'm just now realizing. I would give anything for her. After all, most of the things i enjoy, i do so to replace the loss of her. call me weak, call me corny, call me a frikkin hopeless romantic for all it's god be damned worth. But this is who i am, and it's never gonna change. She brought back a side of me that i had thought to be nothing but a memory. She freed me from a cage of my own construction. For years, i had blamed the world, believing them to be at fault, people have told me of the wall i have around me, but the walls been down for quite a while. The only thing up now is an aura of... confusion. She's gone for now, and as much as it hurts, she's freed me from myself and allowed me to be truly happy. Anyways, point of this all, i felt like s**t for years, saying i would never let myself change, and yet... i've changed more than most people i know. Eh... if i don't end it now, this'll never end, i'm outta here


Cursed the title, blessed the name
Failure in life, succeed in one's dream
stronger than most, weaker than all
Tis merely one's vision
that holds strong to all

In one's eyes lie the great
In others, weakest of all.
A thoughtless decision
A deathly dark call

Cursed through life, blessed through love
Tis in the hearts eye's
that one's fate decides
Tis not one's true choice
One lives or one dies
For in this world cursed
The demon holds pride



"It's time for my life to change. I've been a demon for far too long"

Unless I grip the sword,
I cannot protect you

while gripping the sword,
i cannot embrace you

[img:7462690594]http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll111/Zeroend360/sano.jpg[/img:7462690594]




User Comments: [7] [add]
X.xkitty-catx.X
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Jul 21, 2007 @ 01:00am
CJ, I love the poem. Did you write it?


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commentCommented on: Sat Jul 21, 2007 @ 01:04am
Why'd your signiture show up on my comment??? It's not my signiture..


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X.xkitty-catx.X
Community Member
~lost~ in thought
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Wed Jul 25, 2007 @ 07:26am
Very insightful (I could never figure myself out like that), and I can say don't be expecting a fight every time you say something. When you go looking for a fight...meh.

Stephen King considers himself to be a romantic. That isn't the sort of thing that makes you week. It's motivation when you need it, and it's what makes you human.

If I've ever repeated myself when I was talking about you to you, it's because I wasn't sure if it was getting through whatsoever. I can see now I was wrong.

I have nothing more to say.


commentCommented on: Sun Jul 29, 2007 @ 11:38am
er... no idea why my signature is there... i blame grapes



Prince of Apocalypse
Community Member
Princess Of Torture
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sun Jul 29, 2007 @ 11:40am
All that for me? redface i heart you babe!!!!!!!


commentCommented on: Sun Jul 29, 2007 @ 11:41am
heh heh, thanks



Prince of Apocalypse
Community Member
saphiraarwen
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Tue Aug 07, 2007 @ 07:13am
Wow, CJ... personally, I don't think any of that makes you weak. On contrar (supposed to sound French), I think it makes you stronger than most. One, that you understand that about yourself, and two, that you admit it. I really wish I understood myself and my feelings, as much as you understand yours... alas, that would make my life far too easy. My point is, whatever you may think, I think that you are very strong.

P.S. LOVE the poem.


Live like today's your last day
Love like you've never been hurt
Laugh like no one's listening
Dance like no one's watching

And remember who you are...
User Comments: [7] [add]
 
 
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