Recently I've been in a funk. Just hit a low point. Classes, life in general's just kinda getting me down.
Not too long ago, I was fine. I had my rut, I had my path in life all set out. I was fine spiritually and philosophically.
Then something happened and I fell out of the rut. I'm still set with what I'm doing with my schooling, and with what I'm doing physically for however long to come. I can do that without a problem.
But . . . I don't know where I am anymore on a mental level. I get the distinct impression some days that I'm not sane, and that I should get a better grip on myself, but I can't do it. The harder I try, the further it goes away from me.
I'm walking in circles trying to find a good starting place. But I know that wherever I start is where I start, and wherever I go from there is as good as any other choice. But that's only if I want to satisfy myself. If I want to keep my friends, my loved ones close, I have to choose something which won't frighten them, or make them think that I really am insane.
The things that happen in my head, well, they're not sane. They're not even sociall acceptable. And then they are sometimes . . . but they're not. I'm not making sense because I can't anymore. I can't make sense of anything. I can only float along and hope to find something to grab onto, find something, anything, I can build a refuge on. Until then, I don't know what I'm doing, I can't remember how not to hurt people, I can't remember how to be nice all the time. I know I can do it, and I know how to do it sometimes, but . . . I've lost it.
I've lost the knack for sanity, for life, for being me. And I know that I'm not the me I always was, and I know that the me I will be will be a me I can live with, because I'll have adapted to that me. But the me I am now isn't someone I know, and I don't know how to get to know me now.
Help me?
Whigh Community Member 
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Community Member