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scream since saxon will not come to my xanga anymore.. [he said he is busy].. i guess i could express my feelin' to him in this way.. i guess i have to talk with him really directly.. i mean i never did... =.=".. coz i dun wanna get a serious fight or sth.. but since our relationship have been apart already.. i dun know i am the only one feelin' this way.. or coz he dun love me anymore leadds me to feel this way... he lie to me yesterday.. it's really not a big deal. he lie to me on little stuff.. for example, he was going to have dinner with friends he said he is meeting his client and then he was playing with those friends in the streen and then told me that he can't smoke in the hotel so he was out there smoking... i mean liying is fine to me.. i mean if the lie is trying to make someone feelin' better or happy.. i mean this kind of lie he did really is meanless... he think he is smart.. [i raeally dun think so.. and this kind of smart really dun do nth aout life and love] .. but he is too careless... yo'll guys might think that just i think too much he wasn't lying to me... well.. yesterday after i talk with in the phone.. he 4got to turn it off and then i heard the whole thing. i can heard there is at least one man and one woman.. ai... i should knwo that he is not even a acountant how come he will have to go to this kind of stuff?!.. i might not knwo mucha about accountant.. but he is not a sales.. he dun have to ask people to give him the job.. he only needed to do the math.... LIAR!! HE IS LIAR!!! lie to me... well..for my life i have to make decission for myself.. that's always ture.. and this time i have to consider should i break up with him.. i meant even tho' bf can't make the gf happy.. they should make their gf feelin' sad.. the time i be with him.. really not much are happy... unlike alvin and i all the time we been together was happy.. i can feel how much he care about me... i guess saxon smart on liying the other stuff but this thing really not good at.. he always said that "tum" the other is lying so he dun do that.. well.. but he lie to my anyway... or i should ask him about that..

today the math teacher over-splet.. the class cancelled... back to the ocmputer lab and typing my stupid xanga.. i am so ********' angry right now.. i spenting the whole morning and yesterday thinking that i should or shouldn't break up with saxon.. it's really a good argument.. now i can understands why some poeple break up with the oen they love while they are still loving them.. sometime i will think taht.. well... since i dun have the other bf.. why don't i just keep saxon for a while see wt wil turns out.. i dun know... really... i am sad.. depress... i wanna have a happy and exciting love or dating.. he might bought many stuff to me... but those are not what i want.. i want love.. i want a guy care about me and love me .. treat me good.. really saxon didn't do any of those.. i dun know is that i can't feel it or wt.. actually told me break up with him several times already.. [i needed to make it clear alvin dun love me anymore.. we are just freinds.].. well.. i dun know.. i guess i will hold to this relationship for few more days.. just give myself a break.. unless he didn't keep the three days promise i mentioned be4.. then it's the other story...

ben and i have the tie gap.. alvin have too much work to do.. coz he is not working for company.. [no matter how hard he work i dun think he is going to earn big money tho'].. saxon should be the one have more time.. he is using his time on sleeping eating.. playing with his friends. i didn't mean that he wouldn't went out with his friends.. but why he lie to me.... i just dun get it..

someone search the name 馮德華 and the come to my xanga.. ai.. ARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! why he can't treat me better