What sort of horrible idea is this? And to what end?
Basically, my cousin thinks he could fight a cassowary and win, on the basis that it's a bird and birds suck at everything.
Also, that everyone in the world should just start using our plugs/sockets, on account of the fact that ours are superior.
Also, that wombats can't hurt you, despite the 1st person accounts of those who have seen trained professionals run in fear from them.
He will surely die a premature death.
But that's not the point. The point is, I want to know what YOU think. What would happen if you fought a cassowary?
YOU BE THE JUDGE!
`The Hitcher
Cassowaries?! Ohhhh, don't get me started on those arrogant little flightless ********] Ever since they made it into the Guiness Book of Records for being hard, they've been right cocky little cunts. mad Strutting about like they're better than all the other animal-offenders, leaning on the terrapins, intimidating the porpoises, ohhh.
They only got that "dangerous" rep because a smarmy cassowary called Den Stevenson assualted one of the world record judges and threatened to cut up his kiddy's boat-race if they didn't get in. But believe me sunshine, he wasn't as tough as he let on.
It was only 3 days in the bucket before the inmates got sick of him. He got in a tussle with a hardcase Swan called Keith Hancock, who was in for repeatedly breaking people's arms. Keith shat him out, and Den's been his b***h ever since. Wolf-banged by a swan on a weekly basis, ohhh, the cruelty. [******** hilarious. :X Den ended up Radio Rental. Cried himself to sleep every night since.
But enough about that. What? You want to know how I'd take on a cassowary do ya? Easy peasy my girl; I'll give it what we call "The Full Jamie Oliver"
First, I'd lure it down a backalley with a trail of that poncy french nosh it loves. Oh, the mushrooms, the frogs-legs, the snails and the horses, ohhh, it'd be like a disgusting french Hansel and Gretel! gonk
Then, when it's bloated on that pricy european filth, i'll leap out! And like a demented ocelot, I'll break its legs with a pillowcase full of doorknobs! Ohhhh, I'll smash its neck round to a jaunty angle! I'll smash its face in, i'll smash its eyes out, i'll smash some sachets of smash potato! Then, i'll pluck it, hack its head off, maybe even ******** it a little (Maybe not with this birdflu about, might have to miss that stage this time for my own sake.)
After that, i'll stuff it's arsehole full of Paxo and sausage-meat, wrap it in tinfoil, bung it in the oven a few hours, take it out, cut it up a treat and feed it to the homeless. Ohhh, the poor, starving homeless! They'll eat anything, they will! [******** by a cockney geezer or otherwise! :X
And that's how I'd kill a Cassowary. pirate
They only got that "dangerous" rep because a smarmy cassowary called Den Stevenson assualted one of the world record judges and threatened to cut up his kiddy's boat-race if they didn't get in. But believe me sunshine, he wasn't as tough as he let on.
It was only 3 days in the bucket before the inmates got sick of him. He got in a tussle with a hardcase Swan called Keith Hancock, who was in for repeatedly breaking people's arms. Keith shat him out, and Den's been his b***h ever since. Wolf-banged by a swan on a weekly basis, ohhh, the cruelty. [******** hilarious. :X Den ended up Radio Rental. Cried himself to sleep every night since.
But enough about that. What? You want to know how I'd take on a cassowary do ya? Easy peasy my girl; I'll give it what we call "The Full Jamie Oliver"
First, I'd lure it down a backalley with a trail of that poncy french nosh it loves. Oh, the mushrooms, the frogs-legs, the snails and the horses, ohhh, it'd be like a disgusting french Hansel and Gretel! gonk
Then, when it's bloated on that pricy european filth, i'll leap out! And like a demented ocelot, I'll break its legs with a pillowcase full of doorknobs! Ohhhh, I'll smash its neck round to a jaunty angle! I'll smash its face in, i'll smash its eyes out, i'll smash some sachets of smash potato! Then, i'll pluck it, hack its head off, maybe even ******** it a little (Maybe not with this birdflu about, might have to miss that stage this time for my own sake.)
After that, i'll stuff it's arsehole full of Paxo and sausage-meat, wrap it in tinfoil, bung it in the oven a few hours, take it out, cut it up a treat and feed it to the homeless. Ohhh, the poor, starving homeless! They'll eat anything, they will! [******** by a cockney geezer or otherwise! :X
And that's how I'd kill a Cassowary. pirate
Genesis Rockhide
I have slain countless Cassowaries during my travails.
Broken their flimsy bones. Managed to scatter an arc of it's brain tissue across a 20-ft. high ceiling, and to distribute another over 4,000 sq.ft. of floor space.
Sloughed through a sea of their rotting carcasses in order to reach a higher vantage so as to set it all ablaze.
surprised <3
Broken their flimsy bones. Managed to scatter an arc of it's brain tissue across a 20-ft. high ceiling, and to distribute another over 4,000 sq.ft. of floor space.
Sloughed through a sea of their rotting carcasses in order to reach a higher vantage so as to set it all ablaze.
surprised <3
