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My friend sent me an email ranting and I sent her one back. I just wanted to copy and paste it here for my friends to see.
I don't see what people see in me. I don't think I'm that pretty, but alot of people seem to think I do. I have a great fiance, but often wonder if this is where I'm suppose to be. Like, there was a reason I'm bi, why I'm totaly in love with three awsome girls. They're all great friends and I don't want to lose them like I lost my Jessie. Maybe that has something to do with it. I haven't been the same since we broke up. She meant alot to me, but life is sometimes funny like that. But now she is happy so I guess that is all that matters. I love Julie, but I don't think its the same way she loves me. To her I am her entire world, but now I just feel like I'm standing in the way. She won't date anyone else, she won't even try, b/c she has chosen to give her entire heart to me, but I can't accept it. I love Dave. I know sometimes he is an a*****e, but most men are. Maybe that's why inside of me I'm such a flammer!lol. Then, there's times you can see the two sides of me. Like I'm two different people. The person I am at school and with Dave, and the person I am around Julie and Jessie. They know the real me. The funny girl, who just wants to be herself. Who loves to write fanfics, draw pictures, and flirt constantly.Who doesn't care if someone is watching her kiss her girlfriend, or who stares at her while she walks through the mall holding the hand of a beautiful girl. But that me doesn't get seen anymore. Sure, alot of people know I like to write fics and draw, but noone at school has seen my bubbly side. The always giggling self. There I'm normal, or rather try to be. Like I have to fit in and be a good student. I don't know what is going to happen down the road. What I will become, but I do know I'll continue my search for the place I belong, along with my "someone just for me".
Well there it was. Not very happy, but the truth isn't always. And a little note to Jessie. I often find I catch myself referring to you as "my Jessie'. You'll always be "my Jessie" to me. My beautiful angel. I'm glad you are happy now. That's all that matters. You made me cry the other night, you know that. Julie has some of your notebooks, you know. And in one I found a poem that made me cry. I want to post it if you don't mind....
 Zoey Mikaela · Wed Mar 30, 2005 @ 04:46am · 0 Comments |
