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.. if you dont want to read me being depressed then you'd damn well better read someone elses journal....

yes depressed... thats right... after thanksgiving i plummeted, and this plummet was aided and abated by roommates.... i swear they dont care how i'm feeling if they can feast on someones misery.. mine in particular... -sighs- monday was one of theirs birthday... and i thought it was today for some odd reason... so when i didnt wish her a happy birthday immediatey after walking the door... i got the cod shoulder... the brushoff.... i was in tears later.. and even then... all that happened was a "turn down the noise i'm sleeping"... staring at me a few moments and then walking out.... not a are you okay or anything.... i swear... i could keel over right now and they woudnt care... the internet started ******** up... so i coudnt get in contact with anyone that gave even the slightest damn about me... so i broke apart and sank even deeper... i was ready to take my life.... fought it off... but barely.... -sighs-...

its been deep... alleviated for a few hours yesterday when I managed to get my minis... (thanks to largely Pyro.. ) but I sank not too long after that... and of course... our darn internet did it agin... cut out enough i was only on for 20 minuts over the space of 4 hours... roommate seemed to understand that i mixed up the dates and didnt treat as bad as they all had on monday...

but then today... i didnt get up for scripture study as i couldnt sleep well the night before... and the one i share a room with came in and boom on with the light... effectively waking me up.... -sighs- and after my eyes adjusted to the light, I drifted off again... and she started yacking loudly on the phone with her boyfriend.... she knows it bothers me... when i got up to finaly fix myself some breakfast... she's ike... "oh no... did I wake you.. ?" in the most insincere voice imaginable.... -sighs- may's behind in two of her classes right now... I'm ready to go outside in the snow and just... collapse there... let pneumonia set in or whatever.... -sighs- that'll put may in the hospital (hoorah for asthma... ) ... and she will have extra time to do her homework..... -sighs-... but she wouldnt....

she made a promise... so she wont...

-sighs-... may's demons are getting stronger... and its getting harder and harder to fight them on her own... wont someone help... ?.....