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I've made the mistake, instead of being the husband I should've been I was solely revolved around how much people cared about me, The unfixable. This above all is my biggest regret, I loathe it and really wish i could make amends, Courtney, my dearest, It was wrong of me to do this deed, I put you through alot of pain and tears that needed not to be shed, you were the greatest and most wonderful thing i could ask for,Why should I need to make you suffer to prove this? I've got doubts, but through you I was able to continue, truth is the first moment those simple words fluttered from your lips I lost it all, and took on the world, I held you...my world. Every breath you took to tell me you cared couldn't have meant more.I was wrong to have hurt you and for that I give the deepest apologies that I possible can. A wife I put through hell, it makes me think what the hell is wrong with me, you never deserved to hear my retarded suicidal ramblings, you deserved so much better than that,if I did matter,well... then I shouldnt have done that. there's a few songs that bring me close to tears "she's everything" by brad paisely, and "I want to be your everything" by keith urban, listen to them sometimes and Im sorry and pray for forgiveness.