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Yah, i know that i just wrote an entry but i need to keep doign something or i'm going to hurt myself and i can't do that. I'm not going to give in and i'm going to be normal like everyone else and be happy little person. God, this is pathetic, i feel so stupid and ashamed that it's so hard to just stay away form scissors. I hate this....the scissors are lyign right in the midd;e of my desk and they look so...sharp and welcoming and, god, it's soo hard not to. I'm so messed up...Mieks right, Ray wouldn't want to date something like me...he'de have to be insane. He hardly knows me and i'm afraid to let him. Why would someone want to date a week person? Makes no sence...something to dooooo......i want to cry soo bad and i just can't, my throat is all tight from trying to not but i want to....makes no sence....i need to do something, i have band tommorrw like at 12:00 and i REALLY DO NOT WANT TO GO....I need to do something, and i also need to put this on private so people can't read these entries. I dont' wnat anyone to know about this thing about me...i'm so messed up i can't believe this. Ok, i'm going to go into my room, i'm going to organize my binder, i'm going to put away my scissor s where i can't see them, i'm going to put on some nine inch nails or something...and then i'm going to go to sleep without any cuts at all...i'm going to wake up the next morning and feel proud of myself for being strong and not doing anything to myself because i am a better person than that...i am better than that...i don't have to hurt myself to make everything better baecause it only makes it worse and i can get though it in other ways...going to go organize now, put my mind on oither thigs...