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Josh found a cigarette in my room. And I didn’t even know I had it. I asked for it back when he was holding it and he said, “Which Erica am I talking to right now?” And that really struck me. And I answered saying a little bit of both.
He ended up giving it back and I put it in my room. But as I’m laying in bed, I’m just thinking about smoking it. I know I shouldn’t. I know I told myself I wouldn’t. No matter how loud I sing, how many people I text, how long I play the ukelele, my mind drifts back to it. I will overcome this. Because no matter how much I want to, I made myself a promise. And I have far too much self-respect to let myself get three months into something and not finish.
And then Eugene texts me telling me he’s becoming lonely, and I just start crying because I know how he feels with this family. Except I don’t know because I can’t imagine the pain he goes through. And it’s not fair. We end up telling each other that we love each other and can't imagine life without. He's such a great brother and person. He may be stupid at times and doesn't make the right choices, but he's such a wonderful person and it's sad that our family will never know that because they are too closed minded.
I don’t know. Josh and I are spending time before school tomorrow. We'll have been together for one month tomorrow, and since we probably won't see each other until Sunday, he's waking up early to take me to breakfast and drop me off at school. River and I are going to dinner on Thursday. Cabaret dinner Saturday, hopefully I can make it through that. Not that anything is really… wrong? It’s just I’m becoming numb to people and emotions and feelings a little bit. These past few days have been interesting.
I'm looking forward to the next few.
 Purple Sky Painter · Tue Sep 03, 2013 @ 04:26am · 0 Comments |
