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-sigh- i really should just destroy all my online accounts and sell my pc's. lol it's just not healthy for me to be doing this s**t.

anyways. i'm still feeling terrible when it comes to logan. i lashed at him, and as always when i asked him if anything was wrong, he said everything was fine even though like everone else even said he's been having issues! ugh. ginzo just did that s**t to me too. ******** damn it why is it that i'm treated as such a child that needs to be protected and even ignored for that end by those most important to me??? just kinda shreds me up. ha, makes me feel pretty shitty. which made ginzo freak out cuz he of course picked up on it........but ya know this shitty disposition and deppression for like ever. but......it's gotten bad again. yesterday i had to sit down for nearly an hour (thanks gods mum was at class) cuz my damned emotions got outta control and the physical apparitions of them immobilized me. i imagine that's what a heart attack feels like......sharp shooting pain trying to sear you bones, muscles, tendons, organs and everything inbetween into tiny little pieces.

you know whatever. burn in hell! i don't ******** care. i'm so beyond caring right now. maybe.....maybe when it dies down i'll care more. but for now i'll just focus on not cutting myself to ribbons.........or cutting someone else to ribbons.