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i had em after that night.......pissed me off. kept me up for ages, and then kept waking me up. *sigh* well i was at least under control untill today......today i felt like falling apart. like maybe if i fell apart, all the pain and nager and s**t knows what else would all just drain away.............

i have a 'friend' that thinks that feeling something, anything is better than numbness. but not to belittle her feelings, but she's never felt true numbness. she felt empty yes, cuz she 'dumped' a guy.........but i at least know how to handle the numbness. and i'd rather the total numbness than this. and not like last year when i'd switch between the numbness and the overwhelming burst of emotions. that was hell. i'd rather have total numbness, or full emotions. but the inbetween crap is hell.

well thats all for now and this post. i'll make more later.