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I can't understand this pain, this fiery burning that lies inside my heart. Is it hate? Do I hate you because you are everything I wanted to be? Because you fufilled your dreams just as you said you would? Is that the reason? This aching only means that I've failed. I've failed in my life.... but.....I don't want to die......I don't...

What else is there for me? Seldom used words of praise float inside me wanting, praying, for a way to escape....but I can't let them.....not after this.....


I love you, and I hate you. You are exactly like me....and so I hate myself for not changing, but love is mysterious, and so maybe it can block out the hate for a moment, maybe I can realize that we are to be together....

But now, failing myself and you, the music of the angels sings to me sweetly.....
" I'm sorry," I say to you, into the soft November snow...."I'm sorry..."

then my eyes, they close, I am weak and I have no strength left...My last thought
tears at my heart deeply "Is this...is this what it feels like to die?....or am I just.....just dreaming....?......."


So if you like my little story, P.M. me to tell me wut's up!