February 28, 2010 1:17 AM
February 21, 2010 10:37 PM
Sennyo, I haven't been writte[n] to you in a very long time... I have no good excuses. I haven't been feeling up to it lately, or I'm too sleepy, heh... I write this on a sheet of loose-leaf so as to give me an incentive, ...or something akin to it...
Yo've missed a lot, haven't you?
Oui missed my period of obsession/love with Duru, it's over with as far as I know... I said that I hated it... that feeling of loving him... but, now that those feeling have for the most part faded away.
11:21 PM
February 28, 2010 1:25 AM
Dearest Sennyo,
Continuing from the last— I'm not so sure anymore.
I feel so special, my heart fluttering, when he addresses me in particular, but sometimes he just doesn't. With every word he speaks to me my heart breaks again. I think... I know, that that is what has spurred me to write this entry and finally give you an update.
F2 really has been going downhill for me. Hippo's gone, for the most part. George is gone. Even 6 whom I didn't even like much is gone. I've been thinking about leaving for a while now, but if I do, and make it official, I fear that I will have no place to go to. Facebook is long over with for me, Gaia is certainly no longer, . . . it's still to painful to go back to F1 or even F1 v.2, and vier-chen... it's just not the same. There I may cry and laugh as I wish, but it's just not the same I guess...
I hate myself.
I also love myself more than any other person can love me. Loathe myself more than any other person can loathe me.
I think I secretly loathe people. Veil and Wolf for instance. Veil out of jealousy, and that she and I
1:31 AM
Interruption by mother-person
1:33 AM
really just don't agree on a variety of things, she is rather annoying in her vanity whereas I am annoying in my pride/snobbishness, and it's just goes deeper I suppose. Wolf... she can take Duru... I think that my heart would twist and turn just as much, but she deserves him. It may all be just a joke but...
On Valentine's Day she and I were texting and she asked if she could talk to me. I called her first. After the call she said she still wasn't brave enough to call up Duru, and I asked her if she texted him. She didn't know he texted, and I told her about how his number was in the F2-Directory.
These past two weeks at phi, Den Ruts looked at me a few times. What a dear boy. I wonder what these feelings I have for him are. Fondness...
1:41 AM
1:48 AM— accidental Cancel of 1:41+
1:48 AM
Duru told us today in the Picture Thread that he had a roommate. I never thought about that, the possibility of him having one.
Veil: I wish she would lay off for a while. I have no interest in going to see a silly movie with her, going to the mall, hanging out with her strange friends, listening to rock music and what not.
I wish people would only speak to me if they something to say, not just a "Hey, what's up?". That is only appropriate for those who are close to me, like how the Family used to be.
I've been thinking about connecting to myself these past weeks, but we all know that's never going to happen, don't we?
I want to dream of Him like how I used to. Not just when one or both of us need comforting. Not only when I'm sad or imaginary-fapping. I may've been happier. He's gone though, pretty much, except for the idea of him.
1:58 AM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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