Alright it's been bugging me a ton even when i myself don't know it.
I'm still upset over what Sais and Seth told me. They smoked, drunk, and i don't know what else they told me. All i know is that i got very upset and went to cry. I didn't want to cry but it's what I felt like doing.
I think i was quite upset for a long time and the only way i'd be fine with it was if they'd let me perticipate int those activities as well
Sais said no but Seth said yes.
Sais says even though it isn't addicting the very principle of it is wrong to him. But then why does he do it, why can't I? It's a one time thing, it's not like i plan of wasting money on something that goes away. I don't like wasting money of food for that matter.
And they were all into letting me drink.
"sure come over and i'll let you have a shot." what is so bad about smoking that made me drinking acceptable?
Anyway i'm still doing it with Seth since he said it was my choice. And it is, i need to know what they've experienced to put this behind me or it will hurt me forever. I need to know what they've been though to understand. Seth accepts this. Now i don't know if it means he cares or if he'd leaving me to make my own mistakes and learn.
But as i think about it i think i get why I was so upset. I love them. They're my friends, and friends for me are hard to come by. I consider smoking and drinking to be destructive habits if it becomes a habit and addiction and once i learned they were doing them i hurt a lot. I'm doing it once, and just once. I don;t feel like being caught up in that.
I'll see what happens tomorrow. I need to shower~ c: Smile for the night
 Nirrina · Fri Jan 22, 2010 @ 05:24am · 0 Comments |
