January 10, 2010 Sunday 1:57AM
Dearest Sennyo,
Things have been rather uneventful in F2 in the past week, Holrise, I shall call her Wolf, keeps saying that she'll be sending a marriage proposal to トノ, I wonder if she's serious about it. I wonder he will say. Is it just a joke? Do they communicate a lot outside of F2, or even in PMs there or on the phone?
Yesterday my lolita things came in. As I was still on the medication, I felt very interested in it but it wasn't until an hour or two later that I really enjoyed them. To my great surprise I had recieved more than just the dress, a blouse, and a skirt, but about five skirts, the red dress, and four blouses. Most of the skirt are too long, so they'll need to be tampered with a bit, but the blouses are fine. I wore a black one yesterday and the white one with black ribbons and sleevies today to the mall, as well as the skirt that fits well, with checkered sides.
At the mall today, Veil had asked me to come, she had found out that Cory, Magic's friend, was there. We then found him and he hung out with us until we 9:00PM, when the mall closed. We had arrived at around 7:00PM. He may have added some interest in our group and made us laugh a lot, but I felt like he drowned me out. Selfish to say I know. It's not surprising, and I should've expected it to be so. Not everyone goes for strangely-dressing people, females with masculine faces, and fat, or even dark-skinned Asians for that matter.
Before Cory had come, Veil and I talked about how her parents were being such asses about Coloi, and then for a shorter while about Ohayocon. Roman was brought up somehow and Veil asked if I had a crush on him. We were walking in the part of the mall 'left', in the Nordstrom direction. I replied to her that it was just a fan-girl crush.
Chris is such a nice guy. For a while I wasn't sure of him, he being 35 and all. And then for a short while I disliked him just because he was a strongly believing Christian. However, he cares for my feelings, or my statuses(sp?) at least. I'm sure he would make a wonderful real-life friend if he and I were the same age, whether he be 16 or I be 35.
I don't want to feel these things towards real people. It's just too painful. I wish トノ would just break my heart already. I don't want to imagine that it is him warming me. When I try to think of Him, yes, even he is fading from my heart, トノ's face, or his blurred visage at least turns up. I (try to) force his image out of my head and replace it with Roman's, for his at least is most similar to His. Roman's the only beautiful man that I've ever seen and met in real life...
I counted 81.
981 paper cranes.
It's taken me around four years to come this far. Is it pathetic? Back then I knew what my wish is, but now I'm not so sure now, especially since their vision is fading from me.
I've created the 182 today this evening/morning.
I thought about Kevin... if only I had taken the situation more seriously and had not been so naive and thought that things would get better and he would be out of that coma in no time. I could've completed the 1000 cranes and perhaps he could have lived. I'm sure that his living wouldn't have made more of an impact on my life as his death had, since our lives would have just gone on, on our seperate ways. But... still... the power of a wish, what is that?
[End Log] 2:48AM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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