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I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Everything that I once knew is changing right before me eyes. I swear I think I am going crazy. I totally don't know what to do.
I remember he said he didn't like me like that, way back when. But I always still had some space in my heart for him until recently. But I still sort of had him on my mind. Its amazing how powerful he could be over me. I didn't mean for this to happen. I was just going about my life, being loved by the opposite sex and best friends. (Who actually constantly kept saying "Oh my god! Alex I love you!" Geez I don't know what I'd do without all of my friends. The crazy blondes. (Amila- The pyscho, Megan- My home skillet biscuit, Taylor- Locker Buddy) Then here come mah homiez ( Imani-Bestie Forever, Jahnay- Bestie since fourth grade, Bre- She is just so funny, Kory- He my bottom bish, and Denisa- She is white but boi, she hella ghetto, she mah niggaritta) And then their are all the people in between. Here and there. Then comes him.
Nick to be specific.
He always makes me smile without having to do much. I don't know why I like him to be honest. Im not sure if its a physical attraction or if its because all of the little crazy things he does makes me squeal inside. Heheheh.
And a while back he knew I liked him but he didn't like me. But then Imani told me that he did, but now he just thought I was weird. He lied.
U LIE! lmao
He always acting weird around me, so somehow I knew. But now... Jahnay and Darnesha are telling me that he did like me. In fact he told them not to long ago. So know they are freaking out because I am freaking out.
I guess what I am worried about the most is that I don't know if this gonna work out. Only because he has gone out with so many other girls who now think he is a man whore. So what will they do when they find out that he likes me.
And Im nothing special, Im kinda ugly in a way. But cute in another. But more ugly that pretty I guess. The people who have seen me say Im good looking but still.... compare me to those other girls. Skinnier, prettier, bitchier. I mean don't get me wrong, Im pretty skinny but I guess you could say like the skinny girls are like super models who work for agencies that only allow size -2 to 0 while I am more like a Victoria's secret model with an a**, curves and boobs. Im just worried the girls will be all like " Eww, whats gotten into her (and him) He is such a freak" ( ditto for me lmao)
Even though I don't really care what other people think of me.... still...
Yeahhh... but Im still nothing special. And what if he asks me out, huh?
what will I do then? My mom is really strict about things like that, and plus me and Nick live so far away from eachother... its like.... this could be a problem.
But
At least I got this out.
But my decision still hasn't come about to me yet. I still don't know what do do. And neither does he.
Rumor has it that he still doesn't know if he should and when he will (Darnesha has all the latest stuff, she attacks people like paparazzi, tryin' to get some info out of em'?
Im still physically and mentally and emotionally preparing myself for this. Trying to create possible and impossible scenarios that could happen. Im sure he is doing the same.
Or maybe he isn't even freakin' out. Maybe he is trying to just play with me. I don't know what he is feeling so..... maybe he is just doing it, to do it. Just like with all of the other girls.
No wonder people hate love. I wonder how Shawn is doing with his little Lindsey girl. She definitely maybe is right for him. But I still think we are like related. Seriously, I think we were friends in our past lives or something, or maybe we are like Soul-bestiez. Lol That retarded but still.
Every time I am around the both of them, I can't help but to blush and smile and s**t. Geez. Stupid emotions.
Wow I wrote a lot. Man, that was a work out. Im winded lmao. Bye, Imma go on Facebook and see da new deal. Stalk a couple of people lmao *wink wink*
Its snowing..... the sun is shining.... I have no school. Seems like the perfect day, but I still gots a lots on my mind.
Im not scared of lions and tigers and bears. But I'm scared of you. Nick/Alex.
 cutepoops · Thu Jan 07, 2010 @ 06:32pm · 0 Comments |
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