School, feeling extremely depressed. I don't know what I'm doing I don't know what I want. I love O.R. but as much as that, I am afraid to not only hurt him, but to just ******** up and something horrible happens again. But then again, when he and I broke up, I didn't think he'd want to get back and I'd accept it, and I'm already dating someone. His name is DJ. We're going to be together for three months now on februry 20th. Thats much longer than O.R. and myself. I do feel that there is quite an exsistance for potential and true love between DJ and I...But I also feel strongly towards O.R...I know in the end that someone is going to be hurt. But I think I should talk it out with O.R., tell him that I'm afraid to hurt him, and I feel that at this point, we rushed into it too fast. That is what my heart is telling me. Untill I feel that him and I could deffinately work again, no-if-ands-or buts that it wouldn't work out. ITs just, that he's trying to put a dead line of when he wants to know if I'm going to break up with DJ or not. and it basically seemed as though him and I back...and we were going to tell Sam, but we were so afraid to hurt her. We kept this act up about how he's going out with someone in stamford. But two days latter we had decided that it would be best to tell her. Unfortunately Lachlan found out, told her, and now she thinks we were liars from the start. I mean seriously, I found out about her and O.R. ********, and she told me two days latter that it happened, and she had lied to be before about how she would never do anything with him and she had no feelings towards him. -sigh- I am not using that as an excuse, its just..I don't know...just it was the way things went, and I figure if I forgave her for something that wasn't right at all when she knew I still loved O.R....and then when we were going to tell her and it didn't happened the way we planned, she thinks we're liars...she doesn't have the decenty to just hear us out after I heard her out about her having sex with him..I'm so confused. Over all, yesterday I wasn't in a good place. I nearly jumped off the top of the school...I was so close too. But James tackled me at the last second. All the things I use to do, used to think about, are all coming back to me now. And its killing me inside. I don't want all these feelings come back to me, I just want to be okay, but I can't understand how I'm going to get myself out of this but give myself up to something greater than me, death. I just wish today something good will happen
heart Dani
Lady Phi Community Member 
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