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There's another person...
Who I don't love.
To the point of dislike, at the least...
The other person I hate...besides my mother.
This person is...
myself.
There's so many reasons not to like me.
I'm not sure if all these reasons have yet added up to hate.
And even though there are so many reasons to hate me...
I don't know if I do.
I don't know if I can.
But I do know...
That I don't like myself.
I don't like this monster.
This monster that is me.
I'm a monster on the inside.
And ugly monster on he inside.
And I'm not exactly pretty on the outside.

Me?
I'm worthless.
Useless.
I'm a coward. I'm weak.
And I suppose I'm a quiter too.
I hate it.
I hate it all.
I hate everything I am.
And I can't change it.
I'm selfish.
I don't have anything to make up for all of this.
I'm not talented.
Special...
I can never help anyone.
I wish I could...
But I never can
I wish I could stop being this terrible ugly person I am inside
But I can't.
I'm too weak.

I have so many amazing people that I love...
They are all so talented
Special
Kind...and amazing...
And I know one day they are all going to soar

One day I am going to have to fly on my own.
I am going to have to leap...and learn to fly by myself.
And on that day I know...
I am going to fall.
Hard.
Who knows...I might even die.
But I know all my friends....are going to not only fly
But soar.
And I'll have to watch...
Broken from the ground.

I suppose that is the price I will have to pay...
For being such a monster.
For being so terrible.
For being such a burden.

I don't deserve all the amazing people I love.
I don't deserve anything.
Life. Happyness.
I don't deserve it.
But yet I can't stop myself wanting.
I can't stop wanting to be happy.
I can't stop wanting to live.
I can't stop my life.
I'm too much of a coward.

I wonder if I will ever know...
What the hell is worng with me.