Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am cursed forever.
I want love, yet depression reigns and causes me to lose it before I gain it.
Depression reigns...

I feel like I push away the ones I love with my depression.
It tells me I don't need them.
It tells me I don't deserve them
It tells me to push them away with my depression.

I don't want to, but it happens.
I cause pain, hurt...suffering...despair.
That's all I'm good for anymore.
The depression takes hold of me.

I don't know know myself anymore
I know not many who surround me.
They try to help, but I don't let them.
This, this Depression wants.

It wants me to hurt and torture myself by pushing away those I love and adore.
To make it worse, this will happen my whole life...
I don't want it to happen, but it does anyway.
And if I don't let it, when we separate, it hurts even more.

I just wish I would die, so the pain would stop.
I would end everyone's pain.
The pain would end, and everyone's lives would be easier.
I should just leave and go away, never to be seen again.

I cause the hurt and despair you feel.
I am the purpose of the feeling in the pit of your stomach that says "I am not sane."
I deserve to be alone and in the dark...
No...the Depression speaks again...

It reigns again...ever stilll...it reigns again....