Every moment that I lay awake, I wonder. I wonder about love, life, truth, and many other things. What's my purpose in life? Who could love me? Does love even exist anymore? How will I die? Will I ever be happy again? Have I ever truly been happy in my entire life? Such thoughts swim through my head and I try to answer each question. I sink deeper into darkness with each thought. With each dark answer, I lose more and more of myself. It drives me mad but I do not do anything about it. I act as if nothings wrong when most the time, I'm dying a little more inside. My pessimistic attitude doesn't help me think of a reason to keep living. My parents, my sister and my family are no help to me either. However, there is one selfish thought that passes through my head. The only thought that keeps me going no matter how much i want it to end. That thought leads to many other questions that I answer as selfishly as I can. What would happen to my friends if I died? Would they hate me? Would they follow me? Would they feel sad? Would they regret knowing me? Would they act as if it meant nothing? Would they really not care at all? Because in all honesty, my friends are all I have. My family can be all around me, and it would mean nothing to me if I didn't have my friends. The thought of losing them is more terrifying than anything else in the world. Maybe it's just my mind grabbing for one more reason to live but even if it is, I am glad to have them there. I would like to think that I would die for any one of my friends, die to protect them. But I also want to live for them. For the friends that I will one day lose. For the people who don't want me to die. For those who let me know, it's okay to be selfish, and it's okay to live without a reason. For them, I live and smile and do all that I can to make them happy. So my life is for my friends from beginning to end.
 Ayala55 · Sat May 09, 2009 @ 06:30pm · 2 Comments |
