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I feel oh so sick, and sad.
I ate some cookies offered by a friend and soon after i felt like up-chucking them.
D:
But when i was shining shoes i didn't feel like that.
But then something happened that made me feel sad and i just teared up every so often but i managed to make it go away.
But when we played outside, I couldn't help but to shed tears.
He noticed.
But i denied it, no one must know and besides i'm sure it's because i'm tired and stressed out.
Ever since that one thing that happened Tuesday, I have been feeling sick in the morning, food doesn't agree with me.
Coincidence?
I hope so.
I know I've resolved to one in the future, but not this near to the present.
But he wouldn't leave me alone about that. I don't tell why I "cry" because i never do it in front of people. But he just evokes such emotion in me. ]: In truth, I don't know but yes, it was his fault to a degree. The heart can take only so much. I can forgive his sins and accept him as he is, be patient when he doesn't need me, accept that i'm not the one for him and still give him my heart knowing he won't give me his, I can do all this and still be his friend but sometimes i just have to let my pain out. I'm only human.
I managed to avoid this question by telling him "Look away." when he said he couldn't stand to see me cry when all he knew about me was a happy person. "I can't look away because a part of me actually cares." Now I know he meant well with that, but what I heard was different. It didn't get the reaction he might've wanted like me confessing what was wrong. And no, I didn't get angry, I just felt insulted and brushed it off.
"Look away then, and it'll go away."
I told him this once more so he wouldn't have to see me cry. I don't want to burden him with my problems, he has enough. He doesn't need me adding on to them, what I try to do is lessen them.
But today was a bad day for which I ask his forgiveness, I never meant to cry in front of him, it just happened, i was tired and more expressive at the time unfortunately.
I don't want our friendship to change because of this, he is 1 of 2...3 i suppose-boys a cherish deeply. So i'll keep smiling to ease his mind.
And I also learned I can take on 2 of those guys in a fight. :'D Hell yes.
Peace. o:
 Nirrina · Sat Jan 24, 2009 @ 03:24am · 0 Comments |
