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I was looking back on some old journals of mine, and I'm in disbelief.
Was that really ME writing those entries?
It barely seems possible... that terribly depressed person couldn't have been me.

Yet it is.
It was.

It's surprising to see how much progress I have made since then.
I don't get involved with other people's drama as often any more, and I've learned to retreat when conflict looms.
For instance, I had a friend betray me earlier this summer.
We've been having problems for a while, since she was a bit of a neglectful friend, so to speak.
She would kind of ignore me during my times of need, and after a while she'd get guilty and send me a message asking for forgiveness.
However, in the summer she asked if I wanted to do things during the summer, and I said only if a certain person wasn't there as well.
I told her that the mentioned person made me uncomfortable, and that now that he was graduating, I didn't want to see him again because this was my chance to be free.
She never responded, and I heard through a friend that somehow he knew everything I said about him.
In other words, my so-called friend told him.

I have to admit, I was depressed for a while.
I made a brave choice however.
When she came to visit, she acted like nothing had happened, but I gave her a chance to talk it out with me.
She chicken out.
My reaction?
I let it be.
We haven't spoken since.

I don't know what I would have done before, when I was in a bad state of mind, plagued by depression.
But I have made progress.
I've learned to let certain things be.

While everything has in general gotten better, some things still remain.
I still feel a bit detached from people, though I guess I've been improving.
I actually enjoy going to lunch now and talking to people.

I still feel uncomfortable about my self image, not in the sense that I feel ugly, but I'm uncomfortable being a girl.
I'm not saying I want to be a guy, I'm uncomfortable being a girl because of my asexuality and erotophobia.
Girls are more vulnerable in general, and I kind of find myself fearing males sometimes.
I guess eventually I'll get over it.

Well, I don't really have much else to say.
That's all for now.