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...It's My Angst; It's Your Lie...
Look...This is me. This is my pathetic self. I get happy. I get my mind out of the trashcan and here I am...back with my head held tighly in my hands, tears fighting to flow.

I'm sick and tired of this. Of Life. Of every ******** thing I have to deal with. I'm seriously sick and tired of everybody! I'm tired of my ******** friends, I'm tired of my ******** family, and I'm just plain tired of life!!

I thought friends were supposed to understand you, to ******** be there for you no matter what, if you're in the dumps or ANYTHING! BUT I GUESS I WAS ******** WRONG! You people say you'll always be there for me, you say "I'm sorry". You ******** hear ME say I'm sorry. But I bet you're just saying those stupid things because you're 'supposed to' or, 'its what friends are supposed to do'. ******** That! I don't want to ******** hear it anymore! Don't tell me your ******** lies if you never intend to hold some form of truth in your words! I dont want to flippin' hear it!

I though I had someone who was close to me, some one who said that they loved me as a very close friend does... But I guess I was wrong. Appearently I could only piss her off, upset her. Do anything and everything other than make her happy.

I guess it really is just that hard to stick around a person who doesn't have much control over their emotions, over their thoughts and happiness... I guess I just piss you off by being me. Appearently you don't like hearing me speak, hearing me ache. Well I'd like to let you know I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've got such a weak heart. A weak mind and everything! I'm sorry I'm so stupid, I'm sorry I'm so ******** selfish! I'M ******** SORRY!! It's not like I purposely try to do (or even enjoy) what I end up doing.

I thought you were a better person than that, I thought you really did care. You told me that I didn't annoy you. But I guess you were just lying to me. I'm sorry I can only piss you off. Maybe that's all I really am good at. Pissing off those closest to me. 'Guess I'm just not ment to be happy with my life. I beat I've pissed off everyone who reads this.

Tch...Whatever. I do, however, want you all to know that there are a few people out there who seem to actually care, who actually try to cheer me up while having enough patience to just listen to my s**t and just be there.... I honestly give my heart out to you few... Not many people can do what you do... You're very good people...

...I...I'm just really...I'm just really sick of things right now. ...I wanted to let things out... I just wanted to release this... Release it in my evil little words on a computer screen since I have no one else around me to talk to... (my dogs don't even seem that interested in me anymore...v.v) So to any of my friends who read this...once again..I'm sorry... But I was just in a blind rage... I apologize for my stupid words.....


Post Permanent Link Yanachii · Sun Oct 02, 2005 @ 02:12am · 1 Comments
Yanachii
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    User Comments: [1]
    [color=red]Dear Yana - I write got this from a book I recently read. You speak your feelings in a letter to the person who hurt you, but usually you don't give it to them, but i'm posting this. I wrote it last night. No, this is no a rant, it's a letter. It's the only way to tell you, because right now, I refuse to talk. So you say I don't care, thanks alot, and yes, that is sarcasam. You also called me a liar, which hurt, and is a lie. You never gave me an effing chance to explaine my self, what great communication skills. You got off line, I was in the midst of trying to tell you. Again, thanks. You don't relieze what it's like to have a friend like you, and I'm not trying to sound mean here. Every one has their limits, and I hit mine. If you need help, I've always been there for you, ans you make it seem like I'm not. I try so hard to help you, I really do, but I can only take so much. I am, after all, one girl, who's mental stability isn't that great, and no one knows that but me. If I don't care, then why did I used to stay on line with you, telling you how much i loved you, and that suicide isn't the answer. I know i wasn't the only one, but you, lil miss No-one-cares-about-me, sorry, but I had too. Yes, sometimes you do get annoying, but you know what, it's a minimal. You're one of the few people I can confide in, and you want to take that away from me. I don't have the heart to tell my mom we're fighting, because I know it would hurt her too. You also say you're tired of friends, well, sugar, have fun. It effing hurts to be alone, ans yes, I have experienced it. My two best freinds have been taken from me, via the military, and once you lose someone, you are stuck with a void that longs to be filled. I thought i filled mine, but with your new decision, it's once again faltered. I have now very few people to talk to now, and it shocked me that I went to her. But she is the only one i knew i could confide in at this point. So about that void, dropping off your friends will screw you over in the long run. So that's what I wanted to tell you, and I don't care how you take it. I want you to know I over came the thought to cut myself last night, which I was happy. I feel bad that I couldn't cry, but ohwell...DO you waht you wish, but I want you to know, I do love you, no matter what you think... Think what you want... I may talk now, but I don't know... sincerly, Manda [/color]

     
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    comment Tomoe Oumura · Community Member · Sun Oct 02, 2005 @ 08:29pm
    User Comments: [1]

     
     
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