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Have you ever felt like there's something inside of you? Something dark and full of malice?
...There I go, talking to myself again. But still, sometimes I have to wonder, who am I really talking too. It's strange, but every once in a while, I fall into this pit, so to say, and feel like I can't climb out. Usually after I get in a fight with someone, or think about my older brother. But other times, I'm so high, I'm flying, and I feel like nothing can bring me down. Then, yet another mood. Sometimes I'm neautral, that's how I normally am, thank god. Very few ups and downs here. It's where I feel the safest.
But sometimes, on random occasions with no reason for this to happen, I just want to kill something, anything! I get this feeling in my hands that makes me want to wrap them around someone neck! I can be high as a kite and get this feeling, only to be jittering and happy again momments later. It's disturbing, the thoughts going through my head during one of these 'fits.' I'm get scared. I get this feeling that it isn't natural, yet it is to want so badly to feel death under my hands, like it'd be some kind of reassurance that I'll leave a mark on the world, like it verifies my existance.
Ok, now before you run away, these don't happen often. I only started having these little bouts last year, for no reason, and I've only had on or two since. Which leads me to my original question:
What if I'm sharing my body with something? Something evil, something that wants nothing but to kill. The urge is never direct towards any specific person, or thing, just telling me to go for the closest living thing, but I never let myself give in. I'm stronger than that. But I fear the it's getting stronger too.
...Maybe I'm just insane.
 Post_Nuclear_Punk · Tue Sep 23, 2008 @ 12:31am · 1 Comments |
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